(Hanson-Phreek’s Notes: Before you read this I just want to tell you a few things about this story. First, I got this off of Fanfiction.net I asked the writer if I could use it and the writer said I could. Second, I cut out most of the Author’s Notes. I thought that they weren’t that important. Third, the author used the Japanese names of the Digimon characters. I want every one to know who is who. Koushirou = Izzy, Jyou = Joe, Taichi = Tai, Yamato = Matt, and Takeru = Tk. I didn’t change the names because that would be changing the story, so deal with it. I think that that is enough Hanson-Phreek’s notes for this story. Enjoy!!)

 

 

Hurt

By Kitsunemon

tanukimon@yahoo.com

 

Set to “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails

 

(Author Notes:

 

This is your typical ‘Depressed Izzy’ story. I just wanted to give songfics a try, and I was depressed at the time as usual so…

 

This is my first, and hopefully last songfic.

 

I don’t own any of the characters used here. Nor did I write the song.

 

Warning: this story contains Yaoi (Gay) content. It also deals with suicide. If either of these bother you, time to go bye-bye

 

Here it is, not my best, infact it’s crap, but enjoy.)

 

                        I hurt myself today

                        To see if I still feel

            Koushirou retracted the rusty razor blade slowly. Examining the crimson fluid left on it’s jagged edge. He winced as he felt the warm fluid drip off his wrists onto his knee.

                        I focus on the pain

                        The only thing that’s real

            The pain finally began to appear a brief moment later, as the frozen numbness Koushirou had introduced using a large bucket of ice water began to wear off.

                        The needle tears a hole

                        The old familiar sting

            Koushirou swallowed deeply, and forced himself to look. He saw the three cuts he had placed on each wrist, two across and one going right along the vain, intersecting the two. The blood was flowing quite rapidly now, the pain became more and more apparent.

                        Try to kill it all away

                        But I remember everything

            Koushirou’s breathing became more rapid. He forced himself to think only of the physical pain, and not the greater emotional agony ha was feeling. He didn’t want to think about Jyou.

                        What have I become?

                        My sweetest friend

            “Oh, Jyou…” Koushirou couldn’t avoid it. He remembered all the good times. The long walks in the park, the times they went out for dinner together. He remembered the time they took the canoe that belonged to Jyou’s dad out in the middle of the lake, looking up at the stars. He also remembered the many times they made love.

                        Everyone I know

                        Goes away in the end

            Then, there was the moment that changed it all forever. The time Koushirou and Jyou were cuddling nude in his room. When suddenly Koushirou’s mom walked in. At that instant it all fell apart. Koushirou recalled the look of shock on his mother’s face as she saw the site. How soon she burst into tears and ran out of the room. But worst of all, how Jyou, out of fear and shame, swore never to see Koushirou ever again. Unable to ever look at Koushirou’s parents in the face as long as he lived.

                        You could have it all

                        My empire of dirt

            “Come back to me, Jyou…” Koushirou had cried every night. “I’d give anything for you.” But no matter how hard he tried, he could never salvage the relationship with the one he loved.

                        I will let you down

                        I will make you hurt

            “Jyou… how can you do this to me? I loved you…”

                        I wear this crown of shit

                        Upon my lair’s chair

            Koushirou found himself crying out in agony as his self-inflicted scars began to worsen. His hands now turned pale, as his shorts, knees and bed sheets were now stained deep red. His pain was only made worse by the anger he began to feel toward Jyou. “You said you loved me…” he cried under his breath.

                        Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

            Koushirou’s mind ran wild with the events of the last few days. As Koushirou attempted to patch things up with his mom. But no matter what, she seemed distant and broken. She greeted him the same every morning, and served him dinner evening as always. But the whole time Koushirou could never look her in the eyes. No matter what he couldn’t look past the thought that every time she looked at him, the same thought probably ran through her head ‘There’s my son, the faggot.’

            He recalled his desperate attempts to call Jyou to no avail, and finally. Only a half hour ago, as he typed out the note. The note now stained with blood in his back short’s pocket. Nothing more than a mess of Kana and Kanji that attempted to explain what he was feeling, and justify what he was doing.

                        Beneath the stains of time

                        The feelings disappear

            “They’ll forget.” Koushirou thought. “It’s not like I’m their real son. The blood will dry, and eventually be cleaned up, and by then they’ll move on.” He thought about all his other friends. They lived happy lives; they’d get over it too. After a while the only proof he every existed would only be a few documents, and maybe an urn of ashes.

                        You are some one else

                        I am still right here

            “It’s not my fault.” He then thought. “I’ve always been a loner, I’ve always been a geek, and I’ve always been – a faggot. I was created to fail. It’s only when they realized it, the pain really started.”

                        What have I become?

                        My sweetest friend

            Koushirou could no longer sit up. An immense feeling of weakness overcame him. He fell back on the bed, his head pounding like a drum, but the pain was drowned out by the stabbing agony his wrists were going though.

                        Everyone I know

                        Goes away in the end

            “Soon…” He whispered. He was flashed with the vision of all his former friends at his funeral. His body on display prior to its cremation. One by one, Taichi, Kari, Yamato, Takeru, Sora, Mimi… they’d all walk by crying. Jyou wouldn’t be there of course. Koushirou could only image if his parents saw Jyou after this. “You made him that way.” “You killed him.” Maybe he did deserve it. But a part of Koushirou stilled loved Jyou and didn’t want him to go through that. “Doesn’t matter... They’ll all get over it.” He thought.

                        You could have it all

                        My empire of dirt

            “What do I have left going for me? Nothing…” Koushirou lamented. “Oh please let it end soon.”

I will let you down

                        I will make you hurt

            “Jyou…I don’t blame you for hurting me. You can do so much better.”

                        If I could start again

A million miles away

            “I believe in reincarnation. I just hope I get a better role of the dice next time.”

                        I would keep myself

                        I would find a way

            “I hope I go somewhere where I find love. Where I’m actually liked and wanted. Where people actually care… I can’t wait…”

 

            “I can’t wait…”

 

 

(Hanson-Phreek’s Notes: * Sniff Sniff * That was so sad. Wasn’t it? I have to learn to control my emotions. * Starts crying * See what I mean? I can’t take it any more. I must go to my room and finish crying. See you later. * Leaves room, still crying *)