On earth as it is in Heaven

  This has been the first time we ever made love.

He has been romantic, gentle…scared and hesitant, and yet eager, curious and demanding. Just like only a virgin can be.

I’ve had my wrists tied at one point in time. And he has had too. I’ve nibbled his delicious flesh so hard it seemed I was trying to eat him. And he has caressed me so fondly, it seemed he was trying to commit the feeling of my skin to memory. I’ve adored his infinite gentleness. I’ve begged at his cruelty. I’ve cried, I’ve smiled… And –through tears– I’ve found myself praying silently that if it were all a dream I’d never have to wake up from it. Because in a remote part of my mind I couldn’t help but think that something so wonderful, something I had yearned for so much, could not be real. And I was left both to fear and hope I was trapped in that kaleidoscopic world of minute fragments of happiness that’s my dreamland.

Because, like inside the forbidden, wonderful dreams that have taunted my every night for much more time than I care to remember, I finally had the person I loved the most in my arms. I had my love, my deepest desire holding me.

Caressing me, pleasuring me, kissing me.

Bringing me over the edge, worshipping me, adoring me.

Kissing my tears away, dominating me, submitting to me.

Surprising me with his kisses and lulling me to quietness.

And it wasn’t a dream. The hands caressing my body weren’t just ghostly products of my imagination. The warm, demanding lips kissing my skin, the hot tongue marking my flesh, the fingers exploring every inch of my body were all real.

Painfully, incredibly, real.

I had my whish come true.

I was so scared I feared I’d die. And was so happy I was sure I was about to. I reached the vertex of my happiness. The most beautiful moment of my still fairly short life. My dream. My desire. My love.

And for him, it has been all a game.

Nothing but a fucking game.

Yeah, that sounded like a some sort of sick joke. Sorry if I’m not laughing; I would, though, if I wasn’t already busy fighting the burning moisture blurring my vision. Come to think about it, I shouldn’t be surprised. “At least” he had said, “We’re best friends. This sort of help, ne?”

As I lay here, in this heap of sheets and covers which has been our secret refuge, the sanctuary of our fake love, the only witness of our whispered promises…the last depositary of the delicious night that’s forbidden to be followed by others like it, I can’t tear my eyes off him. I’m studying him, his handsome features, his flawless body heaved by soft breathes, under the flickers of the blue and violet neon signs on the roof of the train station on the other side of the road. Like this, relaxed, content, looking to the world like an innocent infant lost in a realm where his every dream can come true, he is unbelievably beautiful.

Don’t take me wrong. He’s *always* beautiful. Wonderful beyond belief. He’s always been and always will. But like this, in this dazed state induced by the afterglow of our passion, he’s heavenly. The serene statement playing over his face magnifies his natural beauty and at the same time makes him…cute. Yes, cute. Cute like a child can be. Like a puppy. Like…like only he can be. I think that this particular mixture of strength and vulnerability that radiates from his body is what has drawn me to him in the first place. It’s an enigma how he can look utterly harmless and lost one minute –eliciting in me the desire to cradle him to my chest and whisper him everything is all right– and scare me away with the innate force his eyes hold, the moment after.

His eyes are…exquisite. Inviting and warm, and yet so cold and unforgiving when the situation requires it. Those orbs of molten and secreted emotions are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love them beyond belief. And I fear them just as much. Without waiting for my mind to tell them to do so, my fingers are moving a stray of wild hair fallen across his forehead and caressing the soft skin, still bathed in perspiration. A long shiver, an electric tingle, streams up from the tip of my fingers to chase its way down my whole body. I want to snatch my hand away, cradle it to my chest and go hiding, but instead I savour the feeling a little longer, before gently laying my hand back on the mattress.

I could stay here, annoying you with ‘how perfect’ he is, but I won’t. He is *not* perfect after all. I wouldn’t have fallen for him so bad if he was. He’s special, yes. Handsome, indeed. So wonderful to seem unreal, maybe. But he is *not* perfect. Like me –like every human being– he has flaws as well as merits. And I love them all. From the way he can carelessly stomp over laws and rules when it comes to reach his final aim, to the way he can help up everyone knocked down by those aim, laws and rules.

I’m not the only one in the world that can see how beautiful he is, and I know it very well. No one provided with a pair of eyes could possibly deny how attractive he is, but I want them to, for I’m selfish and only want him to myself. I’m very possessive over him. I’ve always been and -with all the probability- always will be. I suppose that deep inside I’m convinced that he belongs to me, like I belong to him. My former enemy, my best friend, my crush, my love and –even if only for fake, for a night of lies and tricks- my lover.

I’ve asked myself several times why I feel like this, anyway. Why I still feel like this even now that I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way. He had left my reach long before I even started to come to term with my feelings. Why of all the people I had to fall for him? I’ve never been a lot into girls, I’ve to admit it, and I’ve never been bothered by gay people and their relationships either; but the thought of being with a male lover…I can’t honestly say it actually *disgusted* me, but it would define my feelings about it quite well. I just… dismissed the possibility.

It has never been a girl.

It has never been a boy.

It has always been *him*.

Him and only him.

Other people –boys, girls– ... I don’t care for them.

Call it a side-effect of the Jogress evolution if you want. I myself do it sometimes. When I need desperately to put a hold on these feelings. I’ve never been so close to someone as I’ve been to him, that’s the reason for this affection of mine. Simple curiosity, simple stupor. Chemicals reacting. Hormones running wild. Nothing more.

…

…

…

Yeah, right. Like if someone could buy this shit.

Sometimes, when I think about my own hopelessly, when I’m confused or when I’m lost, I always seek refuge in that park where the Digidestined’s meeting place was- is. I guess it has always made me feel special knowing I’m part of something. And this something happens to be something really important, which makes it all the more real, all the more wonderful. Even yesterday, before this all started, I was strolling in that one park, beautifully blanketed by a soft sheet of snow, enjoying the quietness and the feeling to be alone that always welcomes me when I’m there. I don’t know why I suddenly stopped, but I did. I don’t know why I decided to sit down in that lone bench- eyes closed and head tipped skyward- but I did.

I don’t know how I knew that it was him who was approaching me from behind and making himself comfortable on the bench, as far as possible from me, but I did. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that, out of everyone in the world, he was there. What was that? Destiny’s finest irony? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.

Since he was there, I was expecting him to talk anyway, and when he didn’t, I found my face twist in a pout. I opened my eyes, then, to see him standing still, scrutinizing his palms as if the Universe’s deepest and most fascinating truth was chiselled there. Sort of unnerved by his silence, I rearranged my position, sliding down the bench and spreading my arms out at my sides, nearly brushing his leg in the process. I was wondering what he was doing out in the cold, when his quite voice brought me back to reality.

“Who would have expected it?” he said, softly.

I smiled, despite of myself, and opened my eyes again to follow the iridescent white dancers in their unhurried fall toward the ground. “Does it bother you?” I asked then, just as softly, daring to look at him at the corner of my eyes. He shrugged, leaning back in the bench in a position completely similar to mine. As he moved, our arms brushed slightly, but neither of us noticed or cared to point it out.

“No, not really.”

There was a large silence between us then. Not really heavy, or awkward, or even upsetting. I suppose it’s impossible for the two of us to feel nothing but at ease when we’re together.

“Taichi and Yamato…gay. And together.”

“…sort of unexpected, uh?”

A shrug.

“No, not really. I can say I saw it coming, somehow.”

A pause.

“Does it change your opinion of them?”

“No.” Another shrug. “It should?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good, ‘cause I still care for them as much as before.”

“They’re still Yamato and Taichi, after all.”

“Yeah…”

A low snicker. “I just whish they’ll stop giving out *such* details about their relationship.”

A giggle. “Yeah…”

Another paused followed this brief exchange and then his voice resounded again. It was just a low whisper, but in the utter silence of the twilight it transformed into a maddening echo, which shattered the quietness with all the force of a scream.

“What do you think it feels like?”

I shivered, and it was not necessarily for the bite of the wind. And I had to swallow before actually be able to talk.

“What?”

“Sex.” He said, cracking his eyes open. “Between two men.”

“I…don’t know.” I replied, resisting the urge to lick my suddenly dry lips. He went quiet for a while. But then he smiled again. He released his breath in a fluffy puff and then turned fully toward me.

“How do you think it would be...” He asked, his eyes suddenly narrowing for a twisted smirk. “…between us?”

I knew that somehow he knew my answer. Not the one I gave, though. But the one I had swirling in my mind.

//Heavenly// “I don’t know.”

He turned skywards again, and I was finally left free to breathe again. He slowly slouched further into the bench, moving as if writhing, concentrated on the small puffs that floated up from his lips, now purple for the coldness. More than concentrated, he seemed *fascinated* by the little clouds dancing heavenwards in front of his eyes. Then, the clouds stopped, for he was holding his breath. I blinked, and looked at him playing with the soft puffs, increasing their number and decreasing it, preventing them from leaving his mouth and letting them go, like a child would do. He was doing it again. The slightly predatory look his eyes held a moment before was now faded into the childish awe of a boy inside a sweets store.

Then he started laughing and, despite my self, I smiled. “Eh-eh, it sounded like we’re a couple of small kids experimenting mushy stuff!” He said between laughs. Then, his laughing started to subside, and he went quiet for a while. “...Gay kids.” He said it nonchalantly, like he didn’t have a care in the world. And when he turned toward me, he was smiling again, like a cat that just savoured his long-chased prey.
“Something’s wrong with being gay?” I said, carefully evading his stare.

“No.” he whispered. Huskily, I may add. “Not at all.”

The soft twilight transformed into the velvet darkness of deep night and the park lights came on. Everything was still. I was still. Only the snow kept its uncaring dance, blind and deaf to everything around. Not many people came out when in the middle of winter to admire the careful work of the snow on the once multicoloured ground. So we were basically alone, just the two of us. And the snow dancers.

I closed my eyes and hung my head, just slightly, my breathing tickling my own chest.

“I wonder how it feels like.” He insisted. I looked up and his whole head was now turned toward me, his eyes glassy and lucid. “I really wonder how *it* feels like.” I looked away, praying this would help hiding the look on my face. Was I…blushing? Or was I upset? Scared? Enraged? Intrigued?

I don’t know. All this and so much more, I presume.

“You don’t?”

I couldn’t help it, I had to look up. And as I did the grin on his face transformed into a more mysterious one. Those beautiful eyes sparkling untarnished in the shadows the park light was casting on his proud features. He slowly moved his back from the bench and so did I. We turned fully to face each other, our breaths tracing senseless figures in the chill air that burned my lungs.

“Not really.”

He smirked again, moving his lips deliberately slowly as he spoke his next statement. “Are you sure? Wouldn’t you like to try it out…with me?” he asked and I had to gather all my strength to keep the staring contest up.

“Would *you* like it?”

“A lot.” He hissed between his teeth and I don’t know what holy force prevented me from reacting.

Time seemed to stop as we just stared at each other. This wasn’t exactly a declaration of undying love, but…he had said he wanted me, right? Could it be that he craved my touch as I craved his? I swallowed, caught in the way he was looking at me, a mixture of predatory desire and childish awe igniting his eyes.

“Why me?” I didn’t even have the time to process the thought, that my mouth was already moving. And I regretted asking this the very moment I saw his smile fade into a frown. All of a sudden, his attention was diverted to the ground and he seemed caught in an effort too big for him.

“You see…” he started, and I unconsciously tilted my head, bringing my ear closer to his mouth. “I wonder what it feels like. But I don’t want to waste something so important with someone who doesn’t mean anything to me.” He looked up at me then, and his eyes -his lips- were so painfully close…  I closed my own eyes at the feeling of moist breath caressing my face and sighed softly, nodding my head to signal him to go on. “At least we’re best friends, this sort of help, ne?”

“It does?” I asked, raising my lids to allow brown and violet to meet and melt.

“Face it. We *are* special to each other, and it would make *it* all the more special. It wouldn’t be a waste. And afterwards you wouldn’t have the regret of being with someone you don’t care about.”

I slowly observed his figure in the darkness, knowing he had to be cold in the light jacket and fluffy scarf he wore. His lips had turned a deeper shade of purple and that’s when I started staring at them. One must lack mental sanity to not want to taste them. To taste *him*. And I would have loved to feel his body pressing against mine, soft and warm; I would have loved to feel his bare skin against mine, to brace his thin hips between my legs, to let his mouth explore mine while I entwined my arms around his shivering form...

And then and there, before I could fully understand the consequences of my act, -God forgive me- I was nodding my agreement.

* * * * *

He took my hand and led me to his apartment block, like I was a child and he was my mentor, and guided me through the velvet dimness to his room. It was dusky and still, the only light was the coldish neon glow leaching lazily through the half-lidded blinds. I squinted my eyes, thoughtlessly running a hand over an unidentified piece of furniture which happened to be just at my reach. Then, out of the blue, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and rested his chin on my shoulder. I let loose a soft sigh and leaned back into his body and embrace, my head resting on his shoulder and my hand leaving the piece of furniture to lay on the far more inviting and pleasurable softness of his hands, fondly pressing our bodies together.

The seductive heat his rather thin body radiates was menacing to make me sweat, and the pressure of his body grazing my back was nearly maddening, to the point I was gasping for air in the middle of one of the coldest Decembers Japan remembers. Not deaf to my soft whimpering, he began to rock his body against mine, slowly, a sweet torture I would have never grown tired of. He moved my hair, laying soft kisses on the base of my neck and I moaned, tipping my head to give him better access to the quickly heating flesh. Taking advantage of my movement, his mouth began to travel up and down my neck. It danced along my jaw, raining it with countless whispers of kisses. Then he reached the ear, and his tongue frolicked out his lips to trace it slowly, tenderly, until he was ready to take the lobe in his mouth and nibble it gently. Eventually his teeth grew tired to tickle my skin and he gently sucked my earlobe, prior to let it go and divert his attention to the curve of my shoulder.

“You’re so beautiful…” he whispered against my neck, hot and moist breath caressing my still rather cold flesh.

I moaned and my grip on his hands – which had tightened with every gentle stroke and kiss – loosened. Letting my finger stoke his in gentle, lazy movements, I cocked slightly my head, to let my lips take a rest on his hair, sighing his name into the darkness. His lips never neglecting my skin, he turned me in his arms, so that his hair was now tickling my chin and chest. His hands slid leisurely down my sides only to crawl upward again. And then down, and then up, just under my shirt this time. I gripped him tighter, eliciting soft moans from his deliciously warm mouth with a soft backrub, accomplished slowly and carefully, with the heavy fabric of his jacket and shirt in the way at first, and then, after long, painful moments which tasted like eternity, over his bare, glossy skin. We both sighed as I crawled my finger up his spine, feeling each muscle tense and then relax with every soft stroke. My backrub had been enough to stop his hands, now laying dormant on my hips, but my quiet whimpering was enough to wake them up to life and make them move again, up and down over my sides.

I felt his touch travel lower while he kept devouring my neck, jaw and face, filling my ears with moans. I threw my head backward, sensing his hands rub my chest and then waltz to my back. They were cold at first, but they warmed up quickly, as his mouth had done. They reached incredibly high temperatures, leaving tingling and burning trails on my skin until suddenly, they didn’t burn anymore, for my body had heated up enough to be as hot as them. At the same time, I felt his feverish breath move up from my neck to my ear, and I shuddered at the sensation, clinging to him desperately, revelling in the ticklish electric sensation his breathing caused playing through the hair just above my neck.

My body was quivering in ecstasy.  His touch… it felt so good, to have him in my arms after all those dreams, that wishful thinking, those tears. Driven mad by his presence, and by the passionate works his mouth was performing flawlessly over my neck, I suddenly went from tamed and quiet to aggressive, and I dived forward to kiss his ear, nibbling it ever so gently. He gripped tighter onto me, blowing his hot breath in my ear in a sensuous moan. Then, silky skin was cruelly subtracted to my mouth and the hot moisture flicking my ear travelled over my face toward my lips, where it stopped, forcing me to crack my eyes open.

I don’t remember who spoke first, our voices just sort of confused with each other, creating a third tune, a completely new voice.

“Ken…”

“Daisuke…”

He smiled then, that predatory smirk that makes me feel weak and helpless. “…you’re shivering so hard…”

I managed to shake my head, my gaze linked unbreakably with his, like two pieces of a puzzle. His voice was soft and even as he spoke, like if I was a child who needed to be reassured and comforted, sheltered and lulled.

"We’re two halves of a whole…” he breathed against my face, leaning forward a bit. “It would be wrong if we didn’t became…”

“…one?” I ended for him and he nodded slightly, a movement so little that for a second it seemed I had imagined it. Then he tipped forward, placing a soft kiss on my cheek, only to pull back and lock eyes with me again. And suddenly it’s like my body had transformed into rock, and I was paralysed, held down in my spot by his inquiring gaze. “Will it be the same after this?” I asked, not trusting my voice.

“I’ll still love you.” He reassured me, his eyes dancing from mine to my lips and back. “Do you want everything to be the same again after it, or do you want *it*?” he asked me slowly, in a low, seductive tone. Yet his voice was trembled by desire and anxiety.

“It.” I replied, just as slowly.

His eyes fell on my lips again and he titled his head, opening slowly that magical mouth of his, a flash of pink darting out it to wet a pair of suddenly dry lips. His eyes drifted into mine once again, as if to ask permission. As if that simple kiss was something bigger than what we were about to do. The permission those eyes searched for was gladly conceded when, eyes closed and mind fogged by his intoxicating wild smell, I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his.

Our mouths and tongues finally met, in a kiss as hungry and passionate as only first kisses can be. It held a faint hint of fear as well, of veiled nervousness… of inane curiosity as well as barely shelved need. His lips were like water to me. I don’t know how I could have lived till then without savouring that sweet taste, that inviting warmth… His tongue probed my mouth and explored it hungrily at first, as to claim it as his own. Then he slowed down the pace, exploring every inch of my mouth... as to remember it next time around. I tasted eagerly his sensuous lips, wanting more and more with every touch, breathing in his essence. Oh, just the sensation of his tongue moving slowly into my mouth to explore it, meeting mine and greeting it, was enough to make my groin grow hard, if it hadn’t been hard already.

Without even realizing it, or doing it following a deeper instinct, we had stumbled and staggered our way into the bed in the middle of the unlit room. His scarf and jacket reached soon the cold floor which was glad to welcome, a few painful minutes after, my own jacket. The first pieces of our clothing finally discarded, I enclosed his neck in a loose hug, grinding my groin against his, electing moans I was becoming more and more eager to ear which every second that passed.  As our tongues tangled, joined in a lovers dance, he reached down behind me and grabbed my lower back, gently guiding me up to capture his hips between my tights, my legs crossed against his back. His hands moved up to sneak around my waist and crash me to him, supporting me up while we kept kissing. It wasn’t much that he was slowly lowering both of us on his bed, still entangled in each other’s arms. As soon as I was laying on the softness of his mattress I disentangled my legs from around his body, triggering a low grow which subdued only when he realized I had done it keep my hips off the bed and rock them against his.

“Ken…”

“Daisuke…”

Again our voices melted, mingled, transmuting in a husk musical tune that echoed in the darkness.

He began to run his fingertips over the sensitive skin of my face, tracing abstract patterns over my cheeks, outlining the letters of my name on my forehead, drawing every curve of my features and sending shivers down my spine with every little touch. My eyes slipped shut, I immediately returned the favour, resuming my slow backrub. He reached my hair and played in it, twisting the wet strands around his fingers, pulling at them and then letting them slid through his fingers. As my heart fluttered, I felt his hands slip down the back of my neck and around my collar to unbutton my blouse which, I may say, didn’t put up too much of a fight. Sneaking an arm around my back for support, and bringing me up slowly, he used the other hand to yank my shirt open, the buttons flying everywhere. I frown for the fraction of a second, but then, after sliding the soft cloth off me and throwing it carelessly on the floor, his hands trailed down from my hair to my chest...then lower to my stomach and hip, and I forgot about the shirt.

I smiled, letting my hands roll his shirt up his chest, and pulled away slightly. He frowned for a moment, and I couldn't help but smile. As quickly as I could, I slipped his shirt off him and dipped my own head to take a nice taste of his shoulder. He smiled against my neck and moved his attack to my ear, leaving hot trails of wet kisses all across my cheek, over my jaw, and finally dived down to nip at my throat, rubbing his hands over my back.  I crawled my hands down his chest, my fingertips barely brushing his nipples. He groaned into my ear, tipping his head back to give me better access. He groaned again and slipped a knee between my legs, pushing them apart. I could feel his fingertips travel down my back and across my thighs. I obliged letting my own hands travel over his body, savouring the suppleness of his muscles, the way they writhed under my fingertips. His skin was surprisingly soft and smooth, like silk, but it was warm, alive.

Our hands were trailing down the length of each other’s body, exploring slickly and curiously. They were searching for and remembering each and every place where one or the other would moan, committing to memory feelings and elicited reactions. Enthusiastic hands left to wander how and where they pleased, our lips met again in another soul-searing kiss, which menaced to leave us breathless.

“Dai…”

“Ken…”

He had pulled away, and I could feel the humid breeze of his breathing brushing over my face. As if after their own will, my eyes slowly opened to the sight of my love hovering in front of me, his cheeks flushed from the absence of oxygen...his eyes dark for desire…his lips curled up in a radiant smile. He was that innocent child again, and a hint of guilt rimmed my happiness. Until that very moment, I hadn’t cared if that was only flirtatious banter, if that was just a dream. The fact that we were both boys just grazed the back of my mind for a millisecond, only to be bashed away by my own feelings, because –in my mind- it just makes it all the more sweet. But now…the child was back…looking at me with that fascinating intent I love so much…and with him was back the desperation I could be pushing my love into something he wasn’t ready for.

He suddenly pulled himself against me, nudging my legs apart to press his hips harder against my groin. I gasped, taken off guard, surprised that such a naïve-looking child could be so strong… I could feel the heat rolling off of him in burning waves… enclosing me…trapping me…pinning me down to that delicious, unique moment.

“Seeing you squirm…” he breathed, eyes narrowing. “…is *so* delicious…” he blew the last part in my ear, before pull away again, licking his lips. I looked back up at him, eyes huge, fighting to keep my breath even. So…the phantom of the Kaiser was still between us…?

…did he want to wake up the long dormant dark creature? Did I want him to come back between the two of us?

…

…

…

Did *he* want to once again open his eyes to life and insinuate his looming presence between us? To take control, please and be pleased? To cherish as well as destruct? To scorn as well as love?

“I want the proof.” He whispered, and despite the childish awe lighting up his face, his voice wasn't playful at all. “That you’re real.”

“I trust you,” was all I said, and I was pleased to see the predatory light make a swift return in his eyes, suddenly fierce and feral. I was the one who leaned up into him this time, hungrily taking his mouth as his hands dropped to his belt and loosened the strap of leather. Before I knew, he had held both of my arms over my head, pinning them against the pillow, to have better access at my chest. And soon the cold sensation of leather sneaking around both my wrists made my eyes sprang wide open. I pulled away and blinked at my wrists, tied together and secured to the headboard with his belt. I blinked up at him, then, but he said nothing, and just started to caress my nipple with his tongue. 

He licked my stomach all the way to my pants, his mouth playing over my abdomen, tongue following the ridges of muscles, before he paused to pay homage to my navel. When he reached my jeans, his hands –which had been resting on the waistband– slid all the way down my hips, carrying the pants away, along with my boxers.

He sat up and pulled off his own pants and underwear, so he was now standing there in front of me, proud and enchanting in all his glory. He allowed his body to slide down against mine and, using his hands to nudge my legs apart, he lifted one of my legs over his shoulder and took hold of my upper thigh and hip. My heart began to race with nervousness and anticipation... As he rained hot kisses all across my inner thigh I slowly lost control over my sensation…my body…my mind…my whole world came crashing down, bowing under the feelings he was giving me. I shivered in the wave of coldness that had slapped me when my clothes had been pulled down, but soon I felt warm moisture graze my most sensitive part, arousing me beyond belief. His hot breath and his hair brushing over my skin were enough to make me writhe shamelessly, but I wanted more than that. So much more. My hands kept clenching and unclenching around empty air, until, finally, he met his prize. And I met mine.

With a stifled cry, my back arched and my head snapped back. Oh, God, I couldn't even breathe. I had never felt such blissful pleasure before. The only coherent thoughts floating through my mind were the countless nights I had spent crying over it, fantasizing over it, and it just made it all the more wonderful, magnifying every sensations in a crescendo of moans and bliss which was slowly making me drown. His hands not satisfied with just laying dormant in some curves of my body, he kept bringing me up to heavens. Feeling his fingers running down my body and digging into the flesh to the point of pain, I tugged at my ties for all I was worth, writhing, trying to do…I don’t exactly know what…to get more and more of the sweet heat enveloping me. Helplessly, I dug my head deep into the pillow, whimpering softly. And soon -but barely soon enough- glistening with a sheet of sweat, quivering and writhing, my body suddenly arched up off of the bed with a spasms, a sound between a cry and a moan echoing through the room. A wave of pleasure ran through me, leaving me to quiver in the afterglow of that sheer bliss.

“Dai…”

“Ken…”

I looked down to see my lover peering up at me with glazed eyes, smirking and panting softly. My lover. The words still echoes in my mind, making me flush with heat. He leisurely pulled away, resting on his hands and knees, and lowered his body to mine painfully, almost erotically, capturing my lips in a kiss small and sweet, way more chaste than the ones we shared before, but hot enough to make me whimper, arch my neck and loose myself in his lips. When we pulled away, his eyes were once again different, more clear, refined and sweet. The child was back…? No. A child would never claim my lips in such an earth-shattering kiss. He would never claim my body with such powerful, soul searing caresses. I smiled against his lips and once again he pulled back, raising up in a sitting position. I smirked up at him and before he had a chance to make even the slightest noise of protest or encouragement I sat up, making him fall into my lap, wrapping my still tied arms around his neck and surprising him with a sweet peck on the lips.

“Need a lesson or two about how to make knots, doesn’t we?” I grinned, and he blinked at me, clear eyes going huge. “Maybe I can help…” And with that I slid my now free hands down his arms to capture his own hands and bring them up over our head, sneaking the cold leather around his shivering wrists as we shared another passionate, hungry kiss. Once I was satisfied with the ties, I pulled back, bringing his hands between our faces to let him admire my handy work. He blinked again and I slowly kissed each of his fingers, eliciting a delicious blush that only made me all the more pleased with my work. Moaning slightly, I let go of his fingers and pressed my lips to the cord of muscle on his neck. Nipping at it gently and drawing a soft mewling moan from his throat, I twined my fingers around his back and eased ourselves to the softness below us, so that he was laying flat on his back. My mouth immediately reached his ear to blow and lick sweet nonsense in; and then it danced down to play with his nipples and the firm muscles of his abdomen. He squirmed deliciously under my soft touches and caresses, his moans and scent tantalizing my senses.

I was engulfed in his taste. I could taste him forever. His skin has this unique flavour that hovers between sugary and heady, like nectar and ambrosia. Leaving hot trails of kisses on his body, I nibbled, licked, smelled and sucked, and did a lot of other things I didn’t even know I was capable of until, finally, I knew it was time. I smiled, and placed a finger on his lips as he opened them, clearly aware of my intentions.

“Shhh…” I simply whispered when, vision blurred and pulse racing incredibly fast, I straddle his waist and slowly settled on him. I managed to croak out his name, arching my back as my whole body tightened. His body went rigid underneath mine, a moan vibrating from him into me. Shutting watery eyes tight against the pain, I slid my hands down his chest, until they come to a halt on his lower belly. But even that passing pain could not combat with the sheer happiness.

Oh, yes, I was so happy…that was all I needed. Him. Wanting me. Forget the digidestined, forget the society, its rules; forget the whole world. Pretend you don’t know you probably will never have the chance to experience it again. Just savour it.

He squirmed once, holding his breath in, and tried to hold still, giving me time to get used to the feeling. I had closed my eyes against the unusual pain, but his soft twitching made them flutter open and drift into his hazed, half-lidded orbs. I heard him sucking air in through pursed lips and I slowly leaned down, resting my head in the hollow of his neck and inhaling his scent. He panted against my cheek softly as I nuzzled against his throat, grazing my teeth over the tender spot just beneath the ear. My left hand moved to rub and pinch hard nipples and the other ran up toward his tied wrists, while I planted small butterfly kisses all the way up his shoulder, chin and cheek. I soaked in his presence. So what if I don’t know why we were doing this? What if this wasn’t real? I was there and he was too. And it felt so right. Nothing else did matter anymore. This was what I had needed all along. I had needed his friendship. I had needed his love.

I needed him. We needed each other. How could I possibly think to survive without him?

He was tugging at his ties, squirming under my lips. And I smiled, for he didn’t realize for quite some time that he was actually free. When he finally did, one of his hands reached down to caress my face, while the other sneaked around my waist. With carefully dosed strength he lifted me and flipped me over so that I was lying on my back and situated himself on top of me. I tightened the hold of my arms round his neck, burying my face deeper against his shoulder. He slowly began to move at the rhythm of that dance whose steps doesn’t require teaching, for they’re buried deep within every living creature’s mind, marked with burning heat and liquid fire. He gradually brought us up to a sweet bliss which still curses through me. All the pain was gone, waves of heat and light rushed over me, nearly blinding me. Our bond intensified each feeling, magnifying and doubling it, sending it to echo in the very core of my being. It gave me this strange feeling of being both him and myself. My hands were savouring the feeling of ivory softness and of amber coloured smoothness at the same time. I was caressing and being caressed, I was holding and being held.

I was Daisuke; I was Ken.

I was Ken; I was Daisuke.

I was loving and being loved.

I was one and yet two.

Me and him.

Two and yet one.

One.

Two.

Daisuke.

Ken.

Ken.

Daisuke.

Me.

Him.

Us.

//“How do you think it would be between us?”

   “Heavenly”//

For that’s what it was. Heaven descended on earth. Earth ascended to Heavens. It felt like being whole again after an entire life of being just half. I wonder if that’s what Wormmon and Veemon felt when they Jogressed. I nearly sobbed when my sweat-covered lover lowered his body over mine at last, cupping my chin with one hand, tilting my head up to take a long taste of my kiss bruised lips. I smiled up at him, rolling us both onto our sides. He smiled back at me, his eyes clear from every cloud once again. Sparkling, rippling, untarnished and deep, fascinated and enchanting. He wasn’t the child, and neither the predator. It was he. I was the prey of the most innocent child as well as the cuddly toy of the most dangerous predator. Put it how you prefer, because at the end, no matter how you address to him, I had been his. I was his. He gently took my hand and kissed each fingertip lightly, as I had done before, ahead of twining his fingers around mine. I nuzzled closer to him, feeling my smile grew wider; and, caught in the perfection of that single moment, I reached up to whisper into his ear.

“I love you.”

And that was the moment when my world came crushing down. I hadn’t foolishly cherished the possibility that he could really say he loved me back, but I wasn’t ready for his reaction.

I felt him tense up. The comforting heat his body had been radiating transformed into waves of chilling stiffness. The sound of his loud swallowing echoed in my ears, filling them with thunder. Stubbornly, I nuzzled even closer, but he pulled away, breaking our hands’s link, lying down on his back to look up at the ceiling, a sight that, evidently, interested him more than I did. My heart ached, and still I said nothing, wanting –desperately- to see him turn to me and say something –anything- to shatter that maddening silence. Do I count so little for him then? Am I not even worth of his anger? Of his shock? Am I nothing for him? That’s what that silence meant?

…

…

I…don’t know. And I’m not sure I want to, either.

I looked at him through half-lidded eyes as he dug his head back in the pillow, arching slightly his neck, eyes narrowed and breath held, looking to the world as if he was in pain. It didn’t take long for sleep to come and carry him away, and since then I’ve been left here to look at the tears-blurred image that once was my lover, trying to recall his taste, his feeling, relying on sensual reminiscences that will never be joined by fresher sisters.

What can I do now? All I want is to get up and hide. To take a long, endless shower. But I don’t want to move, because if I do, I'm afraid I'll forget. I’m afraid that the forgiving cold water will wash away every remembrance of what happened tonight. And no matter how much it will hurt and already hurts, I don’t want to forget. I want to stay here, drinking in his beauty until my time comes. But that’s silly, isn’t it? That’s why I’m getting up from bed. That’s why I’m slowly gathering my clothes, forcing my gaze to stay away from him. That’s why I’m wearing my shirt even if it misses a few buttons. That’s why I’m slipping on my jacket and pants, silently moving toward the front door. That’s why I’m moving with long, tired movements, feeling like my arms and legs are made of iron.

A hand already on the doorknob, I turn around, finally allowing myself to take a long, last look at my love. Lazy sunrays are crawling in through the half opened window, lighting him up like fire, a shocking contrast to the bluish glow which has been bathing him since we first stepped inside the room, making his skin look like iridescent nacre. I smile bitterly, caught in his beauty, despite myself. Turning around, I slip in the forgiving coldness of the dawn, out of his room. Out of our sanctuary. Out of my dream. And –most probably- out of his life.

Outside, the sun shines lazily up in the sky and the breeze brushes gently my face, but the quite complexion of the early morning, which always seems to give me peace, now gives me nothing, for I’m too empty to be renewed by something so exquisitely simple. Nevertheless, I close my eyes and turn my face upwards, drifting off toward the city. I do not need to look at the street, I know this area too well, but at one point my lids flutter upward and I’m face to face with the azure heavens.

Sensing my eyes water, I duck my head downward, my hands loose at my sides. Why, oh why did I agree on something I knew from the beginning would just hurt me? Just for mere pleasure? Am I so disgusting material, then? No…it wasn’t for physical pleasure… I wanted to know how it feels to be whole at least once in my lifetime. And then, all this pain is quickly killing that pleasure, emptying it of all its meanings- if it has ever had any- and quickly evaporating it in a could of tired sorrow.

* * * * *

I’ve absentmindedly strolled through a maze of winding alleys, moving so slowly I don’t think I’m farther than few meters from his apartment complex.  I turn a corner, looking at the blurred spots of colour that should be my feet. But a strange, striding sound registers in some far corner of my mind, and I immediately look up to see two blurred lights dashing wildly toward me. I know I should move, but I don’t know why. I can barely think and in my dazed state I can’t say what this thing running toward me as if to hug me is. As the two lights become closer and more defined, the sound does too. It comes closer and closer and I suddenly realize it holds a faint resemblance with the cry of a wounded animal. Or maybe a *ravenous* one, I can’t tell, I’m too tired to think. But it’s big…and as it advances, it becomes bigger and bigger.

Yes, I know now, I’ve to move but…

I don’t think can.

I lack the strength to.

The will to.

I lack…

I let my lids flutter down as I feel my knees go weak under my weight, and I’m suddenly falling weightlessly toward the ground. So slow to seem unreal. I can nearly picture myself in front of my eyes, just like if I’m not the one falling but just an occasional bystander.

Falling, falling, falling…

Like the rain…

And the animal comes closer…

And its roar grows louder…

And the lights become clearer…

And I…

I close my eyes.

“NO!!!”

I’m suddenly yanked back down to reality and against a wall with a loud yell and a pressure sizing my shoulders. I snap my eyes open in shock, only to see from behind a bare shoulder, a truck dash full force past the point were I should have been until few seconds ago. After following the huge vehicle until it disappeared from view, my eyes fell down the curve of that shoulder thoughtlessly, slowly waltzing up to the perfect line of the neck and then upper and upper, caressing a proud chin and a soft cheek, before drown into sparkling eyes narrowed in pure concern. I widen my eyes almost involuntarily, realizing that he’s here with me. I try to choke out his name, but nothing comes out, just a strangled gasp manages to trust past my lips after few, distressed tries.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, UH?!” He asks, pinning me harder against the wall, bringing our face ever closer. More close than two boys are allowed to be. Just like he has always used to do. I feel trapped, his gaze pins me down harder than his vice-like grip does. A grip that is loosening, anyway, to become a gentler touch, almost a soothing one. Again, I find my lips moving, but since no sound is coming out, I settle for looking away, lowering my head and shacking it slowly. What is he doing here? Why does he keep tormenting me like this?

“Why did you go away like that?” He says softly, and I refuse to look up, ‘cause I don’t want to see the smile he’s surely sporting right now. Instead I stubbornly shake my head again, wordlessly. “Why?” he whispers again, bring his lips to my ear. Damn. Leave me alone!! Go away! I don’t need your pity! I need *you*! The love you’ll never have for me! My mind’s screaming, but it seems that I can’t talk… leave me alone… leave me alone… I can feel tears will up in my eyes and this frustrates me beyond belief…how can I be so weak? I look at him out of the corner of my eye. As predicted, he’s smiling… I quickly drop my eyes as he loosens and tightens his grip on my shoulders repeatedly, as if massaging me.

When I feel a gentle grip take my jaw, I meet his eyes again. “You alright?” He asks, even softer than before.

Shrugging, I look deeper in his eyes, finding my voice back at last. “What do you care?” He tenses up, bare shoulders straightening up. I take a moment to look at him and finally notice he’s wearing only his pant and shoes. A far corner of my mind realizes he must be cold, and suddenly asks me to take him in my arms, seeing what kind of warmth our linked bodies could generate… but I banish the voice away, frowning mentally. I turn toward the street, toward the point where my bloodstained body would lay if he hadn’t arrived. “I would just have …” I pause, for a mere second, and then turn toward him, finally free from the weight my own tears had placed over my heart. It’s strange, it’s almost like I’m insensitive right now, completely dumb to everything around. I’m light-headed, that kind of sweet weightlessly you feel when you lack oxygen…but I’m alright, inhaling cold air to burn my lung and exhaling warm breath to tease his neck. “…died exactly like Osamu did.”

His eyes widens, reaching sizes they’d never seen before. He retreats a half step backward, his mouth working but no sound escaping it. He’s shacking his head now, yanking me away from the wall and hugging me as if he cares. “And I would have lost you just like…” he breathes in my hair. “Oh my God…” I feel his hug tighten, but I don’t move. My hands are still dandling useless at my sides. And I peep at the world behind his shoulder, not giving a damn that he’s actually hugging me.

I only blink as he pulls away and moves me until out eyes align. “What happened?”

Despite myself, I feel my lips curve up in a smile I know won’t reach my eyes. “The most painful moment of my whole life and you don’t even remember it?” He shakes his head, child eyes blinking owlishly. He shakes his head, completely oblivious, and –I’ve to add- completely adorable.

Yeah, an adorable fucking bastard.

He’s looking up at me now, huge eyes keepers of a silent plea. He wants me to explain? That’s actually hilarious. I frolic out his hug as gently as possible and let my eyes feel on his hands, now laying at his sides. Neither of us moves from our spot in the sunlight for an endless pause, and then I look up at him, only to find him look back at me. I take his hand in mine and he seems surprised. I smile bitterly, but then scold my features back into a gentler look.

“Have you already forgotten?” I tilt my head to a side in an inquiring fashion and he once again shakes his head. I mirror his action, cutting him off before he has the chance to answer –if he’s about to- and my grip tightens on his. “I love you.” My grip tightens even more, but my face is blank and my voice is even, like I’m a heartless automaton. “I love the way you look at me. I love the way your eyes lit up or darken following your mood. I love the way you talk, the very way you move. I love how you make me feel. I love you.”

I barely subdue a chuckle as his eyes widen “What? Does that sound strange to you? Or do you simply have problems with it?” He’s trying to free his hand from my grasp, but I’m not going to let go. Instead of answering, he concentrates on trying to pull his hand from mine, and this makes me frown. I tighten my grip on his hand considerably, to the point of pain, and he immediately stops struggling to free his hand and looks up at me with wide eyes. I yank him into my arms, twisting his arm behind his back –careful not to cause him any pain- and I use my grip to make him arch his back, bowing above him like a hunting hawk. Chuckling softly, I use my free hand to move a stray of soft hair from his forehead. His eyes quivers like stormed lakes and with a smile I realize that, not only the child’s back, but also that this is a side of him that child hardly shows. This is his scared look, his scared face, his scared eyes. And as it amazes me, at the same time it sadden me that my confession has been enough to wake in him such fear.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were eleven.” I whisper. “Is this too hard to believe?”

Once again I let the silence fall and I squeeze his hand.

“What are you saying?” he whispers with this voice broken by the nervousness. He swallows and my gaze travels down his face to his lips. I’m bending closer right now, moving forward with each word that escapes my lips.

“At first, I thought you hated me. We were enemies after all. Then you suddenly were my best friend and it didn’t take long that you were the single thought my whole days and nights revolved around. Is that so strange that I want to know how *you* feel?”

“How…I feel?” he whispers.

“Yes.” I take a pause, my eyes moving upward to meet his again. “I thought you cared for me, but I was wrong. But now that I know you don’t care for me the way I do for you, at least allow me to go away knowing your real feelings.”

“I… I…” he swallows, and I bring our faces closer.

“You?”

“I… I…” he swallows. “I…”

He looks down at our pressed chests, eyes going huge. “…go…ing… a…away…?” he whispers. And before I know, his free hand is pressed firmly to the back of my neck, crushing our lips together. He tastes good, even better than how I remembered in my clouded mind. His tongue swirls inside my mouth, teasing my own in a duel whose passion is barely quantifiable. My free arm slides around his waist, grinding our body together. He gasps inside my mouth, his hand waltzing toward my cheek to press against it forcefully. Using this contact as some sort of support, he deepens the kiss, claiming my mouth as his, sucking my tongue and tasting it as if he really needs me. I let our tongues meet and clash, savouring his unique flavour for a brief moment, before roughly push him away.

“This means nothing.” I state slowly, managing to sound normal despite my lack of breath. “Can’t you see that?” I shake my head, eyes never leaving his. They’re glassy right now… watery… and filled with something a large part of my heart identifies as pain. But it can’t be, an even larger part of my brain replies. “No more guessing. I’m tired of it. I want to know what I’m to you.”

I look rather fascinated as his lips move. But… he says nothing. Again. Obviously, I’m not needed here. So, I let him go, watching wordlessly as he stumble backward, and I turn around, not even caring to say anything, just waving distractedly. I don’t know where to go. My only refuge is lost forever. My only happiness is gone. What can I—

“I love you.”

My mind freezes. Literally. My throat suddenly feels dry and the weight of tears is back in my eyes and hear.

Does he really?

Or is this just another ploy to get me not to go away?

Before I know, I’m turning slowly toward him and he’s there, arms frozen at his sides, shoulders tense, skin glistening in the pale light of early morning. His eyes are cast downward and his hair hides his look. I can see him tense under my gaze, and I’m once again smiling bitterly.

“You know? I though your rejection had been hard to handle, but your lies are even harder.” I shake my head and turn away, moist moisture quickly welling up in my eyes. I move a step and then I’m stopped when someone trap my arm in an iron grip. I turn around, and I’m face to face with the angriest look I’ve ever seen.

“What do you want me to do, uh?!” he yells, the anger boiling in his usually quite voice. “I’ve told you I love you, isn’t this enough?!”

“And when have you decided on this one?” I shake my head, voice growing sharper for the irony the pain’s igniting.

“Does it matter?”

“You tell me.”

“Fine!” He snaps, freeing my hand to throw both his arms in the air in a frustrated gesture that leaves to imagination nothing about how he feels now. “Just fine!” He keeps yelling, waving his arms furiously. “Then, just know it does *not* matter at all, ‘cause it has always been like this!”

I gasp, my hands jumping up to rest on my chest, as if this could protect me from what’s happening… no… this isn’t real… this can’t be… he can’t possibly want me like that… he… he can’t… he just…

He chuckles bitterly, a some sort of evil twinkle that doesn’t sound right at all played by his lips.

“Imagine!! Being in love with your best friend… someone who’s practically perfect to your eyes… and all the same they’re not and once you discover it all their flaws just make you love them all the more… giving you more confidence…”

//He’s special, yes. Handsome, indeed. So wonderful to seem unreal, maybe. But he is *not* perfect. Like me –like every human being– he has flaws as well as merits. And I love them all//

“But, of course, when your love is a guy things get complicated, doesn’t them? You’re forced to leave your dreams behind… all you feelings… and for *what*?! For a stupid society whose rules doesn’t allow same-gender relationship!! And that’s all *shit*, ‘cause being in love with a boy when you’re a boy make it just all the more real! Sweet! Because if you choose to love when you know you can’t, then what you feel is true!!”

//Until that very moment, I hadn’t cared if that was only flirtatious banter, if that was just a dream. The fact that we were both boys just grazed the back of my mind for a millisecond, only to be bashed away by my own feelings, because –in my mind- it just makes it all the more sweet//

I suddenly feel light headed… his words… are *my* words… his thoughts, mine… how deep does our bond run?! How similar are we? Is he just pretending or are our souls linked in a way I can’t even start to comprehend? Maybe it’s just flirtatious banter again, but… why do I feel like this then? And why is he smiling so…so *damn* nostalgically, even if his eyes are clouded with anger?! Why does he look like he cares?! He can’t…he just can’t…

“And then suddenly, as if exited from one of your dreams, you’ve him in your arms… and you’re ready to *die* to feel whole at least once…”

// No…it wasn’t for physical pleasure… I wanted to know how it feels to be whole at least once in my lifetime.//

He’s looking up… No, please don’t smile like this… stop torturing me… don’t make me hope when I can’t… stop these tears wetting my cheeks… press your palms over my ears as you used to do when we were littler, to protect me from the world… protect me from your words… stop talking… please…

“Someone who knows all of your flaws, your mistakes, your obsessions and dreams… someone whose touch you’ve craved for longer than you care to admit and then…=he= says that he loves you. Imagine… imagine all this…”

His near-shouts drop to a mere whisper as he takes a slow, cautious step toward me. And I do nothing to stop him. He reaches out, running his thumb across my cheek tenderly. It can’t be… this is so unreal… enough to make my heart ache… is this just another daydream?

He’s looking at me expectantly, but I don’t answer. I can’t talk around the lump searing my throat… his fine visage darkens once again, and he drops his hand, concerned and disappointed. “Even *this* isn’t enough?”

I shake my head. “Why didn’t you tell anything before? *Then*?”

He pouts, an expression that looks rather cute on his face. “Oh, yeah, declare my undying love while I was still trembling for my release, all sweaty and sticky! VERY CLEVER!” he raises and eyebrow, puckering his lips in thought. “As if you’d believe me.”

“Is it different, now?” I look up at him with a wary look igniting my eyes, doing my best to fight the need of bursting into tears.

“Yes.”

“…How can I believe you?” I ask, letting two huge tears roll down my cheeks to die on my lips.

“I fear you’ll have to.”

I pull away and look in his eyes. And once again the child’s back… hopeless… lost… scared… my poor love…

“I know that I’ve hurt you but... I love you, I really do. It has always been you. No one else. I guess I’ve denied myself too many times…” he whispers.

I shake my head and look away, eyes falling on the tiny space between our chests. It would be so easy to close the gap with a little step… only one… only one… I look up, frustrated with my own tears and I find his face –surprisingly- break into a slight predatory grin.

“It seems you’ll have to stand to have me around till I’ll have convinced you, ne?”

Once again I shake my head, but he hushes me by placing a finger on my lips. He retreats slowly, walking backward to never break the link our eyes hold. His eyes squint whenever he smiles and right now his eyes are reduced to two tiny cuts of velvety shadows. I blink at him, my heart leaping in my chest. Suddenly, his eyes grow huge and he looks skyward, cupping his hands in front of his mouth.

“EHY, WORLD!” he yells enthusiastically. “CAN YOU HEAR ME?!”

I blink.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Then my slow blinking becomes quicker and I’m looking at the worlds between blinks.

What is he…?

“I’M DAISUKE MOTOMOYA AND I’M *CRAZILY* IN LOVE WITH KEN ICHIJOUJI!! YEAH, YA HEARD IT RIGHT!!! I’M IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER *BOY* AND YA KNOW WHAT?! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT!! BUT WHAT EATS ME IS THAT THIS FUCKING BASTARD HERE DOESN’T BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I LOVE HIM! PRETTY BAD, UH? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.” He stops, pointing few peoples who had peeped out their windows, attracted by his shouting. “YOU! YOU! AND YOU! YES, YOU TOO! AND THAT GUY DOWN THERE, TOO!!  EVEN THOUGHT I SCREWED UP, I SWEAR TO GOD I WON’T LEAVE HIM ALONE TILL I’LL HAVE BEATEN SOME SENSE IN THAT PRETTY HEAD OF HIS AND MADE HIM SEE HOW SERIOUS I AM!! YA HEARD ME?! THE HELL WITH THE SOCIETY! SCREW THE RULES! I WANT THIS BOY TO =WANT= ME AS MUCH AS I DO!!”

I shake my head… oh God… he’s crazy… but, for some strange reason, most of those people break into an ovation. They applaud, cheer and whistle, yelling Dai-chan their encouragements. In a moment suspended in time, he tips his head downward and looks at me with this glorious smile that pulls me out of my daze state. “I won’t let you get rid of me so easily…” he whispers. I know I’m crying now, but I don’t care. I smile back at him and he runs toward me, picks me up and spins me around. I throw my head backward and laugh as a damned madman, relishing in the sound of his laughter that wraps itself around me. I look back down at him when he slows down his pace, and soon we aren’t moving at all, eyes locked above flushed cheeks.

“Dai…”

“Ken…”

I sniffle, chuckling a bit, and he once again is grinning, placing me on the ground paying attention to rub our bodies together all the way down. Then he hugs me a little tighter, and I’m reminded of how wonderful I fit in his arms.

“You’re crazy.” I sniffle.

“Only about you.” He laughs softly and I smile again, his warmth already spreading through me and filling that once-seemingly infinite emptiness of mine. His lids flutter halfway down and he cups my cheek, his thumb rubbing lightly over my cheekbone, just under my red eye. He closes the gap between us and pushes his tongue into my mouth, and the world around explodes in a loud cheer. I tilt my head to welcome him as warmly as I know how, wrapping my arms around his neck in a loose hug. He squeezes me tighter, exploring the inside of my mouth slowly, pausing after what feels like a second and an eternity at once only to allow us to breathe.

I lean into his warmth, eyes closed peacefully, my cheeks resting on the soft curve of his bare pectoral. I breath deeply, sighing in his intoxicating scent of cinnamon and spices.

“I love you…” he whispers, making the moment even more magical.

Smiling, I respond by tightening my hold around his neck, tickling his bare chest with a soft sigh. He tips his head to kiss my forehead, eliciting an electric tingle that run through my whole body, sending my heartbeat hyperactive. I laugh softly, letting one of my hands run down the length of his neck to his chest, where it starts tracing senseless pattern over his beating heart.

“So…it seems I’ll have to stand you around me for quite some time, ne?” I tease him.

“It depends. If you repute forever quite some time…”

I look up at him with tears still glimmering in my purple eyes, a small smile grazing my cheeks.

“Really?”

“Why?” He questions, raising an eyebrow and smirking proudly. “Have problems with it?”

“No…” I murmur, shacking my head. “Not at all.”

He chuckles, diving forward to nibble my earlobe.

“Remember you said that, Koi.” He purrs, tonguing his way down my collarbone.

Koi…

My smile grows bigger at this, and sighing softly I try to lay my head back on his chest. But he has different plans evidently, because before I can even move he moves from my neck to my lips, pressing his glorious mouth against mine in a mind-melting kiss that warms me from the centre of my body, spreading like a wild fire in me. My fingers immediately dance upward to tangle in his hair and his waltz down to find a gap between my jacket and pants to run up and down my bare skin.

I’m whole again.

This time for a long, long amount of delicious moments, according to him.

Not that I’m complaining…this is exactly what heaven feels like… and I have it right on earth.

  ~ The end