Hope in Despair (aka Hope gets some KFC)
Part 1 - A Noticeable Change
by Ashna
This
is in high school and all the second season Digidestined are going to the same
school. Except for Iori. They're all fourteen and the older digidestined are
about 17 in the last year of high school. The plot line focuses mostly on
Takeru and Ken with wee little parts by Daisuke every now and then. One Hikari
bit too, hey I needed the voice of wisdom and frankly only Hikari can fill that
role. This story has Yaoi content, can't handle it don't read it. Hard core
Takari fans might not want to read this....Kensuke, Sorato (Sorry Taito fans
but a friend made me!) and Taito. Warning! There are a few big surprises in
here so be prepared!
(Can
you figure out what K.F.C. is?)
And
there will be a prequel/sequel to the Taito bits. Because it was too much to go
into in this one. Thank you Katherine for giving me the idea by forcing me into
writing a Sorato! Heehee...you can never win!
Disclaimer:
Of course this stuff isn't ours!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Takeru
yawned as he walked home with Hikari. It had been a long day and he was beat.
He wasn't looking forward to going out tonight. It'd been her idea to go out
for dinner but now Takeru wished she'd scheduled it for another day. Relaxing
was good but he was tired.
The
still petite brunette even at fourteen smiled at him as he squeezed her hand.
She'd been really quiet lately and he wasn't quite sure why.
"Hikari
is anything bothering you?" he asked.
She
smiled weakly and looked a little nervous. She'd been doing that a lot lately
too.
"No,
nothing's bothering me. Wh- why'd you ask?" She said with a false tone.
"Oh
no reason you've just been really quiet 's all." He answered her looking
ahead and thinking.
Things
had been like this for a while between them. Distant. In fact that's all the
relationship had ever been for him. Oh sure he went through all the motions.
Holding hands, the silly love bird talk but he'd never felt that strongly
towards her. At least not like that.
He
couldn't even remember why he'd agreed to go out with her in the first place.
Probably the pressure from everyone else. They all assumed because of their
crests they would fall in love. A special bond or some crap like that.
They
were the digidestined of hope and light of course they had a bond. He
understood Hikari and she understood him with some thing closer to instinct
then conscious thought. But that's all, a bond of similar situation and ideals
but never love.
He
hadn't minded being with Hikari though and neither had she. They'd just gone
along with the opinions of the others. She was fun to be around and with her he
didn't feel quite so lonely.
Yeah
he got lonely, lonely in spirit. Takeru was more like his brother than some
people realized. They both had the Ishida temper and they both had that
tendency to brood. They'd gotten the former from their father and the latter
from their mother. The only difference between them was that Yamato had always
found some way of expressing himself. He'd play his music or go fight with
Taichi. Takeru had never been able to release his feelings in any way. He'd
cried a lot when he was younger and would sometimes get a little angry when his
feeling became too strong but he'd grown out of all that quickly.
Then
he'd met Hikari and she'd understood because she was much the same. They had a
way of coexisting in the same frame of mind. Both could become depressed,
becoming something much different from their normally cheery selves. Neither
had ever been able to pull each other out of it though. That was probably why
they'd never fallen in love.
Hikari
suddenly stopped and Takeru paused dragging himself out of his own thoughts. He
looked at her in confusion because she was so worked up over something he
couldn't even read her.
"Takeru...."
she started faltering then taking a deep breath she started again.
"Takeru
I can't do this...us any longer."
He
blinked and nodded not terribly upset, this was something he'd been expecting
for a while. Hikari's bouts of depression came from her own relationship with
the light. Light could not exist without darkness and she was constantly torn
between the two. He'd always tried to help her but had his own problems to deal
with.
"Takeru
I've been thinking and I think we should see other people." She paused
while Takeru didn't say anything just waited for her to finish.
"It's
just that there's someone I like and I want, I want to be free to ask them
out."
Takeru
could tell this person meant a lot to Hikari. She'd been talking a lot lately
about a someone she'd met in photography class. Takeru smiled as he now
realized that they'd been more to her than just a new friend.
"It's
Akira right?" He asked with a grin hoping to embarrass her a little.
She
blushed prettily, the color rising on her normally pale cheeks.
"Yes,
and don't be a jerk like Daisuke about it either."
Takeru
smiled and gave her a gentle hug around her shoulders. She hugged him back,
arms around his waist.
"Hikari
I'm happy that you've found someone you care for. So your free, free as a bird,
free as a butterfly, free as a Hawkmon, free as a Biyomon." He said
grabbing her arms and flapping them around.
Hikari
giggled and managed to pull her arms away from her best friend which was all
they'd ever really been. She stopped laughing and gave Takeru a hopeful look
with her soft brown eyes.
"Um
I was thinking that maybe we could skip the dinner date. He kinda asked me to a
movie tonight as a friend and I didn't exactly say no and..."
The
tall blonde laughed and gave her a little push towards Akira's place.
"Go
I was trying to think of a way to go home and sleep anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Several weeks pass/ at school.
Takeru
came out the school gates and looked around for Ken. Both were in the same
geology class, though Ken was the teachers assistant. Ken had agreed to help
him study for a big test next week.
Takeru
had been surprised at how close he and the digidestined of kindness had become
over the years. He now honestly considered Ken his best friend next to Hikari.
He figured it was something to do with the fact that both of them were fairly
introspective. Ken would often come to him for advice and vice versa. Of course
the friendship had taken a while to develop while Daisuke had slowly brought
Ken out of his shell but that hardly mattered now.
The
raven haired boy was leaning against the wall with his book bag waiting. Takeru
walked up to him and waved hello. Then stopped as Ken looked up and he saw his
face.
"Whoa!
Ken what happened to you? Did you get into a fight or something? You look like
shit." Takeru said amazed at the amount of damage on his friends face.
He
had a rather large black eye that was slowly swelling, his nose had been
bleeding, one side of his face was turning a nasty shade of yellow green and
his lip was split. Ken nodded and smiled looking happy.
"Well
you should see the other guy. He's got two black eyes and I think I broke his
nose."
*He's
been hanging around Daisuke too much. He's actually glad to have broken
someone's nose.*
"Um
and why'd you do that?" Takeru asked genuinely curious to find out what
could have made Ken that mad.
"Some
asshole pushed me into a locker saying I was a sissy fag who should get beat
up. Then he said he'd kick my faggy assed boyfriend after he was done with me.
So I punched him. Then he punched me and well...." Ken said starting to
look just a little sheepish.
Takeru
laughed and smiled giving Ken a slap on the shoulder. Ken was normally very
gentle but tended to get angry whenever someone insulted or threatened Daisuke.
"Hey
that's a good thing then! Jerks like that shouldn't even be allowed to coexist
with real human beings."
Ken
chucked and proceeded to tell just how much pain he'd inflicted on the bully
before a teacher had split them up. Of course Ken was now suspended for a week
but the other guy got a month because he'd started the fight on prejudice
alone.
Takeru
listened with just half his mind. The other was reflecting on the one
relationship no one had seen coming. Everyone had been surprised when Daisuke
had started dating Ken. One day he'd been bugging Hikari about liking her the
next he admitted to being with Ken since their adventures in the digital world.
The
two were sickeningly sweet around each other too. Always holding hands and
whispering things into each others ears that made the other blush. But no one
minded because the they were so obviously happy together. Daisuke could always
manage to bring out Ken's personality and Ken could magically calm down Daisuke
in any situation.
He
was terribly jealous of them and the happiness they'd found together. Takeru
didn't think he would ever find someone to be that close to. He'd voiced these
fears a few times to Ken and his brother Yamato but both told him he was an
idiot and to have a little patience.
He
glanced at Ken who was now talking about the college courses he was taking on
the weekends so that he wouldn't stagnate his brain in a normal high school.
Takeru wondered what it was like to love someone enough to switch schools and
expose yourself to constant ridicule. He considered Ken and Daisuke two of the
bravest people he knew.
~~~~~~~~~~
At Takeru's place
"Okay
first off you have to find out which class the rock is. That can usually be
done by what kind of rock it's made out of." Ken was explaining but Takeru
wasn't really listening.
Lately
he'd been feeling a little punkish. He would start thinking about his love
life, his future and several other things that tended to depress him. It wasn't
like he meant to do that it was just normally he would have talked to Hikari
about that sort of thing but she was off with her new boyfriend most of the
time now. Besides he never did like bugging her with his problems, she always
had so many of her own.
"Earth
to Takeru, what's up with you lately that's the third time you've drifted off
like that today." Ken said waving a pale hand in front of his friend's
face.
"Sorry
Ken I've just been a little depressed lately that's all." Takeru said
absentmindedly focusing his attention back on the work.
Ken
nodded then frowned in concern.
"You
want to talk about it?" he asked always knowing when something was
bothering the cheerful blonde.
Takeru
shook his head in a negative hoping Ken wouldn't push him. As much as he valued
the friendship between them he didn't feel comfortable unloading on Ken. Just
like Hikari, Ken still had his own issues to deal with and he didn't need his
friend whining to him.
Ken
tilted his head giving Takeru a good look then shrugged turning back to the
Geology text book in his lap. Ken knew when not to push Takeru and figured this
was one of those times.
~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night
It
was two o'clock in the morning and Takeru was still awake. He'd left his room,
where he'd just been staring at the ceiling, to sit in the living room staring
out the window at the rain.
This
was the third time this week that he hadn't been able to sleep. He honestly
didn't know why but he'd feel listless and zoned out during the day but
couldn't relax enough to sleep at night.
He
shivered and pulled a blanket tighter around his shoulders. Now that fall was
settling in, nights were getting chilly. A noise made him look up and he saw
his Mom in her house coat looking sleepy.
"What
are you still doing up honey and why are you in the dark?" She asked
walking forward and turning on a lamp.
"Couldn't
sleep." he answered.
She
moved forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. No matter how old her boys got
she tended to baby them. Though Yamato wouldn't put up with it like Takeru did.
She moved into the kitchen giving him a warm smile as she did.
"I'll
just make you some steamed milk like I did for Yamato when he was younger. He
would always get up late at night and couldn't get back to sleep. It should do
the trick. Relaxes the mind or something like that."
Takeru
smiled slightly as his Mom bustled around the kitchen. She really did care for
both her sons even if neither of them really were very open anymore.
"Thanks
Mom." He said as she handed him a cup several minutes later.
"I
put some almond flavoring in it so it tastes better. I'm going back to bed so
after you're finished you go straight to bed okay? You do have school in the
morning."
She
left and Takeru reached over to turn off the light again. He really didn't feel
like being in the light right now. He continued to stare out at the rain,
sipping the drink and thinking about things.
He
didn't know why he was thinking about the things he was. The divorce and how it
had split up his family making his Mother worry constantly about him but mostly
about his Father and Yamato. The time when he'd lost Angemon and the times when
he and the other Digidestined fought against things too dark and pointless to
make sense of. It was just making him depressed. But he couldn't get his mind
off them.
This
happened a lot more than people realized. He was always thinking about those
types of things just like his brother.
*But
I don't have anyone to talk to about it. He's got Sora now and before her he'd
play his music.*
Takeru
sighed and put the now empty mug down. He suddenly felt very tired though he
doubted it had anything to do with the milk. He shivered again as he looked out
the window on his way to bed.
*The
rain has turned everything gray and dark.*
He
crawled into bed pulling up the covers and tried to get warm again. He managed
to relax and drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~
A few weeks later
It
was the weekend and Takeru was walking home with Yamato, Sora and Daisuke.
They'd all gone to see Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon in the theatre. Sora had
wanted to see it for the romance and asked Yamato to take her. Yamato had
phoned Takeru to ask if he'd please come along. Takeru had raised an eye brow
at the desperate tone in his brother's voice, after all he had been dating Sora
for months now, but had agreed. Daisuke had been over at Takeru's at the time
and had come after he found out there was fighting in the movie.
All
through the movie Daisuke had fidgeted while Sora cuddled up to a unresponsive
Yamato. Takeru hadn't even paid attention to the thing. His mind was a complete
blank. He'd felt a bit numb and had only remembered the end. There was
something fascinating to him about the girl's jump off the bridge into the
swirling mists surrounding the base of the mountain. His mind was stuck in a
morbid replay of the scene as they walked.
He
jumped out of his own thoughts as Yamato whacked him across the back of the
head.
"Ow,
jerk what did you do that for?" he grumbled giving his brother an annoyed
look.
"As
I was saying while you were off in la la land me and Sora have plans so we're going
now. I'm still coming over for dinner next week, the concert was canceled so
tell Mom it's a go, okay?" Yamato said pulling Takeru's hat down over his
eyes playfully.
"Yeah
whatever." he said not in the mood for brotherly banter.
They
left, Sora grabbing Yamato's hand as they went. Takeru left, a pang of
jealously at Yamato's good fortune. Yet another person around him who'd found
happiness while he was still alone...
~~~~~~~~
Need another point of view? Yeah me too.
Daisuke
frowned as Takeru seemed to drift off into his own world again. He'd been doing
that a lot in the last few weeks and Daisuke was getting worried about his
friend. Ken had mentioned to Daisuke that he should be keeping an eye on the
blonde digidestined of hope. He'd asked Ken why, not really understanding and
Ken had just shrugged saying he had a feeling.
*Ken
can be so annoying when he's being all.. Being all.....smart. He never thinks
I'll understand. Okay so maybe sometimes....most of the time...I don't. But he
doesn't have to be so...annoying!*
"Hey
Takeru I was going to meet up with Ken later do you wanna like phone up Hikari,
Miyako and Iori and go for pizza or something?" he asked thinking Ken
wouldn't mind turning the date into a friend get together."
No
response.
"Hello
Takeru is anybody home up there? Or has bleaching your hair finally gotten to
your brain?"
He
gave Takeru a little shove getting the other boy's attention. Takeru blinked
then frowned as he heard what Daisuke said.
"I
do not bleach my hair." he said not rising to the bait.
The
two boys had never been particularity close before high school but had one
thing in common. The people they cared for the most were the same. This had
created a common ground for them to stand on. It was only now as they matured
and became older that they had become good friends. But they still got on each
other's nerves at times.
"Well
do you wanna phone the others and go for pizza?" Daisuke asked getting
impatient as his stomach growled in hunger.
"Okay,
okay I know better then to get between you and your stomach. You're worse then
a rookie digimon." Takeru said with a smile as he finally woke up a
little.
"All
right food! First I'll phone Ken before he leaves home and then..."
~~~~~~~~
At the pizza place
Ken
laughed as Miyako and Daisuke fought over a piece of pizza. Everyone was there
including a few extras. Hikari had brought her boyfriend a small guy with large
green eyes and bright red hair that Ken recognized from the year book
committee. They were the perfect compliment for each other too. Ken had never
seen Hikari act so happy before.
"MIYAKO
THAT"S MY PIECE!" Daisuke yelled standing up to reached across the
table and receiving several startled glances from the other customers.
Ken
winced and reached out pulling Daisuke back down by the seat of his pants. Ken
put a arm warningly across his lower back, his thumb through a belt loop to
keep his disgruntled boyfriend sitting.
"Daisuke
would you please stop acting like you're eleven again?" Ken pleaded.
"You're going to get us kicked out."
Miyako
giggled at Daisuke for getting in trouble. Ken turned his amethyst eyes on her
and frowned.
"You're
no help either Miyako. You just encourage him."
Daisuke
rolled his eyes at Miyako and poked Ken in the side.
"Yes
Mommy. Geesh chill out for once Ken." Daisuke said while at the same time
grabbing a slice of pizza and stuffing most of it in his mouth.
"Daisuke
you are way too immature." Hikari said disapprovingly.
"Stop
teasing Ken for acting his age and trying to get you to act in a decent manner.
I don't know how he can stand being around you sometimes." Hikari finished
with a grin.
Ken
laughed along with everyone else as Daisuke blushed and sputtered out some
remark that was supposed to be funny but fell far from its mark. Ken glanced
over at Takeru who was sitting near the window beside Ken. He was just staring
outside ignoring them all. He wasn't even staring at anything in particular
just the pavement.
*That's
odd, normally he takes every chance he can get to bug Daisuke. I wonder what
could be wrong?*
He
was going to ask him but was distracted by Iori, who now much taller but every
bit as serious asked him where he got his black eye from. Daisuke grinned
because he loved hearing this story while Ken was getting pretty tired of
telling it.
He'd
completely forgotten about Takeru's odd behavior by the time he was finished
telling the tale and then they all had to go home so he never did ask his
friend what was wrong.
~~~~~~~~~
Next day after school
Ken
waited once more outside the school gates for Takeru. His grades had been
slipping and his teachers knowing that they were friends asked Ken to tutor the
blonde. Ken had agreed having nothing much to do lately. Though Daisuke said
making out with him for hours on end was doing something.
*Of
course Daisuke would do anything to avoid homework too.*
Takeru
came around the bend and Ken fell into step beside him. He didn't look to be in
the mood for talking so Ken remained silent. They reached Takeru's house in
record time having not slowed down to chat comfortably. Takeru silently opened
the door. Silently put away their jackets. Silently went to his room. Silently
got out his books.
*He's
going to drive me insane. I must have gotten used to Daisuke's constant
chattering because this silence is weird.*
Ken
frowned as he began to explain a passage of the text Takeru hadn't understood
in class.
*This
isn't like Takeru at all. Why has he been so quiet and withdrawn lately? You'd
think he was me on a bad day but this seems different somehow. It's not like
he's thinking about anything at all.*
Ken
tried for several hours to put some of the information from school into his
friend's brain but Takeru kept drifting off. He'd started talking but it was
only to answer questions. He didn't even apologize for zoning out.
Finally
Ken slammed a book shut loudly as he asked the same question for the fifth time
with no response. Takeru jumped and turned dull tired eyes towards Ken.
*He
looks exhausted why haven't any of us noticed this happening?*
"Okay
what's wrong Takeru. You've been completely out for it for weeks now. What is
wrong with you?" Ken asked with a frown of concern on his face.
~~~~~~~~~~
Back to T.O. Oops T.A.? T.B.? T.L.C?
Takeru
jumped as Ken slammed the book and asked him what was wrong. He didn't answer
because he didn't really know. All he knew was that he didn't care about
anything anymore and confusion at why everyone was so concerned. Yamato had
even phoned him last weekend after he'd gotten home to make sure he was okay.
"Well
Takeru? At least answer me." Ken said again a concerned look upon his
face.
He
blinked trying to clear his mind and shook his head. Ken sat there expectantly
waiting for an answer.
"Nothing's
wrong Ken. Sorry if I've been out of it lately, I didn't mean to worry
you." He answered pulling a cheerful demeanor over his features not
wanting Ken to pry.
To
be honest Takeru felt nothing at all. He'd felt faintly numb for weeks. Things
just didn't seem as important anymore. He was trying to pay attention in school
but this numb feeling combined with lack of sleep was making it difficult.
The
last few days had been the worst. He'd woken up suddenly feeling incredibly
frightened. He hadn't been able to move and it had been difficult to breath. It
wasn't like there was anything to be frightened of and the feeling passed but
he could never get back to sleep. His nerves would be completely shot so he'd
get up and stare out the window until he had to get ready for school.
But
Ken didn't need to hear all this. Hikari might have listened before but she was
pretty much gone in her own world of happiness and light. Ken had his own
problems to deal with just like her. He'd never truly recovered from his time
as the Digimon Kaiser and the shock of what he'd done. Even now he really only
opened up to Daisuke and to a extent other then his lover, Takeru.
So
Takeru put on a false smile deciding he'd have to act cheerful and happy around
the others to keep them from worrying. He shivered a little as he did so feeling
as if he was stepping into a cold gray fog.
Ken
frowned again and leaned forward reaching out with one hand like he was about
to say something when Takeru's Mom called from beyond the door.
"Ken
your mother just phoned. She'd like you to go home now before it gets too
dark."
Ken
stood up grabbing his stuff. He glanced back at Takeru and paused at the door
hovering.
"Takeru
if you ever want to talk you have my number. Okay?" Ken said then left
leaving Takeru alone in his room.
He
got up and looked out the window to watch Ken leave. It had started raining
again and the world was completely monochromatic. Not a hint of the setting sun
showed through the gray slate clouds. Not a single green leaf was still upon
the trees. Only blackish barren shapes raised their thin branches to the sky.
Even Ken's figure as it stopped to wave from the side walk was a slight shape
of dark clothes and pale skin.
~~~~~~~~~
Ken on his way home
Ken
shivered as he looked up at Takeru's face in the window. The world outside was
as cold and barren as Takeru's eyes had been when he'd looked at Ken with a
false smile. Something was definitely wrong.
There
had been something familiar about the flat emotionless look behind Takeru's
blue eyes. In truth today they had looked more like gray than their normal
bright cheery blue.
*Of
course how could I be so stupid! It was just like the land around the ocean of
darkness. Gray and void of the life it once had. Will that place ever leave us
alone?*
Ken
thought bitterly as he hurried to catch the bus home. Once there he dialed up
Daisuke immediately needing a little more help to help Takeru.
~~~~~~~~~
The park next day
Hikari
shivered it was a cold day out and she wished she was inside. Why had Daisuke
called her out here anyway. He was fifteen minutes late now too.
She
was about to go home when Daisuke came jogging around the corner. He was out of
breath and panting for air.
"Hi
Daisuke so what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" She asked just a
little impatient.
"How
much do you know about Takeru? Like I know you dated and all but did you really
get to know him and stuff?" Daisuke asked ditzy even when serious.
Hikari
blinked and thought for a second wanting to give a good answer. For once in his
life Daisuke seemed very focused.
"I
guess I know him very well Daisuke. Okay here's the thing we have a special
bond like the old kindred souls thing." She paused trying to explain.
"I
can't really explain but I know him very well. Very well. Why are you asking,
is something wrong with Takeru?"
Daisuke
opened his mouth and shrugged. He sat down on a bench despite the water
covering it and looked confused.
"I
don't know but Ken thinks there might be."
Hikari
nodded and sat down beside him. This bit of news bothered her more than Daisuke
being worried.
"If
there was Ken might be able to tell. He's a lot like me and Takeru. Here let me
explain because I don't think Ken's ever been able to figure this one out.
Ironic considering how smart he is but anyway."
She
paused again trying to think of a way to explain it to Daisuke who sat looking
at her expectantly.
*Yeah
Hikari time to explain psychological problems to Daisuke. Good luck.*
"You
know how our crests represent the best thing about us right?"
Daisuke
nodded.
"Well
that trait can also be what's the worst about us or maybe I should say the
opposite is our worst. No that's not right. Okay let's take Ken for example his
crest is that of kindness right?"
Another
nod.
"But
if that trait is ruined, lost or corrupted the complete opposite becomes our
strongest trait. So for Ken when he lost his kindness he became absolutely
cruel."
Daisuke
frowned never having thought about why Ken had become the Digimon Kaiser just
that he was different now.
"The
same goes for anyone. If you lost your courage you'd become a coward. Most
likely an extreme coward. Not very likely but possible."
"So
because your light if you lost that you'd be...darkness?" Daisuke said
looking now very worried.
"Yes
it's almost happened a few times too. Now for Takeru his crest is hope. He'd
never had any trouble with keeping his hope before when we were younger but
when he hit his teens he began having doubts and brooding a lot."
Daisuke
nodded.
"Yeah
I'd noticed he became more serious after our time in the digital world."
Hikari
nodded then she frowned.
"Why
did Ken think something was wrong with Takeru again?"
"He
said Takeru was drifting off a lot and he'd seen something strange in Takeru's
eyes. He said it reminded him of the land around the ocean of darkness?"
Daisuke said not having understood that part of the conversation.
Hikari
frowned now more worried then before. This sounded bad, really bad. Now when
Takeru truly needed her she'd gone and distanced herself from him. Now she
didn't think she could get close enough to him for her to help. She'd fallen in
love and her heart belonged to them now. She couldn't open her heart to him
anymore. She hadn't been able to before anyhow.
"Hikari
what would be the opposite of hope?" Daisuke asked as he brooded over
Takeru's behavior becoming very worried for his friend.
"Despair."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next day at school
Ken
was walking to the cafeteria to join the other at lunch. He really liked being
at this school. Sure the classes were a little slow for him most of the time
but he really didn't care too much about that. He had friends and Daisuke so he
was happy.
He
stopped as he saw Takeru walking outside. Which was ridiculous because he
wasn't wearing a jacket and it was pouring rain outside. Ken followed wondering
what he was up to, still worried about the night before.
Outside
was a basket ball court and beyond that a few potables and beyond them was a
small grove of trees. That's were Takeru was headed. Ken sighed over the fact
that he was going to be soaked by the time he caught up with Takeru and ran
after him.
He
made it to the trees and was happy to see the branches prevented most of the
rain from entering the grove. He saw the navy blue of the school's uniform
moving deeper into the near twilight gloom beneath the trees.
Ken
followed until he found Takeru standing in a small break in the tree's canopy.
He was looking up through the gap letting the rain fall on his face. Ken paused
uncertain whether he should step forward. There was a certain amount of symmetry
between Takeru's current pose and what Ken had seen in his eyes.
Takeru
was standing perfectly still as if he was a living statue. The half darkness
beneath the sentinel-like trees seemed to be creeping closer towards the boy as
if waiting for the pale light from the sky to fade and leave him standing in
shadow. The blue of his uniform was dark enough to look black and the steady
rain bled the life out of any other colors.
But
it was the expression on Takeru's face that made it difficult for Ken to swallow.
It was if he was a prisoner on death row who was starting to forget what
freedom was. There was an emptiness in Takeru's gray eyes. Yes even his bright
blue eyes looked drained of color beneath the rain.
Ken
had never seen anyone look so lost before but he knew what it was. Of course he
knew. After Wormmon had sacrificed himself to save Ken's kindness he'd been
lost, unsure of how to find his way back to the person he knew was some where
inside himself. It had taken a while and Daisuke had helped a lot but he'd
managed.
*But
with Takeru it's different. He's not lost trying to find himself like I was. I
think he's become lost and he can't find his way back. I don't think he knows
how.*
Ken
stepped forward and laid a hand on Takeru's shoulder. Takeru blinked and looked
down from his steady gaze at the concrete sky. He smiled at Ken but it was an
empty one with no real feeling behind it.
"Hey
Ken what are you doing out here?" He asked in a normal tone.
"I
saw you walk out here and wondered why you were walking outside into the
pouring rain without a jacket." He said unsure of how to approach the
subject of how Takeru was feeling.
Takeru's
smile faded for about ten seconds and Ken thought he saw a flicker of the
nothingness that was behind his eyes. Ken's gut lurched as he remembered the
feeling of horror that surrounded that ocean from so long ago.
*It
feels as if Takeru's standing on the edge of that ocean.*
Then
Takeru smiled again and laughed shaking his head.
"Dumb
of me I guess. But now you're soaked to the bone following me out here and I
know Daisuke will kill me if you get sick. So let's go inside." He said
beginning to walk away.
Ken
stood there for a moment and felt sick to his stomach as the shadows swallowed
up Takeru's retreating figure. He looked up at the opening to frown at the
featureless mass of clouds.
A
sigh escaped from his lips as he turned back towards the retreating form of his
best friend. To be honest Ken had first opened up to Takeru because he'd been
attracted to the friendly blonde digidestined of Hope. Of course he'd quickly
learned about the hopes held by just about all the digidestined of Hikari and
Takeru getting together. So he'd turned away from that part of himself and
found himself facing the energetic Daisuke.
He'd
just about forgotten his attraction towards Takeru in the happiness he'd found
in Daisuke's arms but it had never gone away. He'd grown closer to the child of
hope as a friend and comrade. Never letting his feelings go beyond that
original mild interest and their comfortable friendship. And to his knowledge
that's as far as those feelings had ever gotten nor did he plan for any further
development.
He
flicked a strand of ebony hair out of his eyes and followed after Takeru his
thoughts circling. He didn't question his feelings nor did he notice how far
they reached into his heart. All he cared about was finding a way to bring back
the blue of Takeru's eyes.
~~~~~~~~~
After school (it's the weekend)
Daisuke
walked home hand in hand with Ken. He couldn't believe how much Ken had changed
since they'd first met the raven haired genius. He'd been the cruel Digimon
Kaiser then the depressed guilt ridden ally. Neither had much inclination to
think about others. Now with time and Daisuke's help he'd become much more
confident.
Ken
looked like he was having another brooding relapse. But of course with Daisuke
around these never lasted long. He leaned over dropping Ken's hand to wrap his
arm around his waist and kissed his cheek gently.
"Wake
up Ken. No thinking unhappy thoughts around me remember?" Daisuke said
pulling the other boy as close as he could and still be able to walk.
Ken
smiled at him and Daisuke was glad to see no lingering shadows within his deep
violet eyes. So often in the past Daisuke had felt as if he was losing the one
person he'd come to care for above all others to that dark place he never
talked about.
Some
of his concern must have shown on his face because Ken laughing gave Daisuke a
playful kiss on the mouth.
"Don't
worry Dai-koi I was just thinking about Takeru and what Hikari told you. Oh
thank you for talking with her for me I was too busy to call."
"No
problem. Have you figured anything out yet?" Daisuke asked
Ken
shook his head. Daisuke frowned and tried to think of something to make his
lover feel better. He knew how close Ken was to Takeru. He even knew about
Ken's former feeling for him and didn't want Ken to fret himself to pieces
trying to help Takeru.
"Maybe
there isn't a reason." Daisuke said hesitantly.
Ken
gave him a look as if he'd said something that just might make sense. Daisuke
shrugged and tried to make his own thoughts form into coherent thought.
"Maybe
he doesn't have anything that would normally make him upset but he just
is." Daisuke paused as Ken thought.
"You
just might be right Daisuke. It's quite possible that Takeru has
depression." Ken said looking much happier having come up with an answer.
Daisuke
on the other hand was now confused his moment of brilliance fading as quickly
as the setting suns rays.
"Um,
but I thought we all ready knew Takeru was depressed." He said trying not
to sound dumb but knowing he was anyway.
Ken
smiled shaking his head.
"Not
in the way your thinking. Or what you were thinking was correct."
"Uh,
what?"
"Clinical
depression is when someone is depressed and they might not even know why. It's
a chemical imbalance within the body."
"Like
when Jun gets really bitchy around that time every month?"
"Uh
not quite the same Daisuke but I guess it's similar. Both have something to do
with chemicals but with depression the effects are much more pronounced."
"And
Jun acting like a she-bitch from hell isn't effective."
"Dai-koi
you know I love you but could you please stop comparing depression to a girl's
period? Even for you that's a stupid comparison."
"Sorry
but she really does get bitchy....speaking of which I don't think we should go
over to my house. I just remembered how Jun was acting this morning."
"Daisuke
that is just too much implied information."
"Sorry.
At least you don't live with it."
Ken
sighed and Daisuke finally decided to shut up. He steered Ken away from his
place and towards his favorite place to eat. His long haired lover always had
enough money on him to buy lunch and dinner should he not come home till late
and Daisuke had no qualms over exploiting this fact.
He
had promptly forgotten about Takeru's problems now that a solution or at lest a
name for the situation was found. Now he just wanted to eat and Ken had cheered
up enough to forget his own worries to laugh as Daisuke drained his wallet and
stuffed himself.
~~~~~~~~~~
Takeru's Place the weekend
Takeru
sighed as his Mother dashed out of the house. She'd gotten an emergency phone
call from work and was needed immediately. At first she'd told them no because
it was time for Yamato's biweekly visit for dinner but had been threatened with
the risk of being fired so she'd gone.
He
stirred the food that was cooking on the stove. It didn't matter to him if his
mother left. In fact nothing had really mattered to him. It had been a while
since he'd felt much of anything.
Of
course there were still the panic attacks. They'd stopped happening solely at
night. Now he'd feel them at any given moment. At school the other day when
he'd gone out side it had been because of a attack. The rain had brought back
the numbness that settled down through his soul.
He
hated the panic attacks. Hated how they made it difficult to breath and how
tears would form in his eyes. He hated the heavy feeling on his limbs while all
he wanted to do was run or break something.
A
pot started boiling over as Takeru had stopped stirring lost in his own
thoughts. He ignored the pot and simply turned off all the burners on the oven.
As
much as he hated the panic attacks he hated the numbness more. But each time
the panic came he wished for the gray suspended feeling of being numb. It was
just while he was numb it felt as if he wasn't stopping there. A hole of black
despair had opened beneath him and was pulling him down. It hurt to go near that
darkness and Takeru shrunk from it.
Takeru
stood there staring at the pots trying to find his way from the black hells
that stood before him but found he couldn't. The walls he'd put around him to
stop others from seeing his misery had trapped himself inside. He could no more
escape his down ward slide then fly.
He
shivered though the heat was on. He was never warm lately though it didn't
bother him. He was so close to the darkness he didn't know how to make it go
away now. To either side and below was all darkness with a fading pale light
from above.
"I
don't want this..." He whispered as he moved towards a drawer in the
kitchen.
He'd
looked closer today at the blackness and had found himself trapped. Trapped
inside of it the pale meager light almost lost.
He
grabbed a double edged knife and stood there staring at it for several minutes.
Then he knelt down on the kitchen floor propping the knife between his thighs.
He quickly cut both wrists simultaneously. The knife dropped to the floor as
Takeru's legs jerked in response to the pain.
He
hadn't expected it to hurt so much. The blood formed a pool of red that stained
the white linoleum beneath him. A wave of dizziness swept over him and he bent
over arms cradled in his lap.
It
didn't hurt anymore, in fact the numbness had returned and was spreading. It
started in his arms and was slowly moving along his body. Another wave of
dizziness swept over Takeru and he slowly slumped to one side to lie on the
floor. His vision was starting to go fuzzy and he couldn't have moved even if
he'd wanted to.
The
door banged and foot steps sounded in the hall. Takeru recognized Yamato's
voice as he called out a greeting. Another voice called out and Takeru thought
it might be Taichi. Yamato had said something about Taichi coming over too.
Takeru
closed his eyes as he suddenly felt very tired. His brother called out again
and footsteps walked down the front hallway towards the kitchen.
"Oh
shit......." Taichi's voice said and another set of footsteps came down
the hall.
A
strangled gasp and suddenly Takeru could feel himself being half picked up.
Someone was wrapping what felt like towels around his wrists as the person
holding him trembled.
"Yama,
I need to phone an ambulance hold these down to stop the bleeding."
Taichi's voice said taking on the ring of command and confidence from his old
days as the leader of the digidestined.
*Yama?
Since when did Taichi use such a familiar nickname?*
Takeru
thought vaguely as the pressure on his wrists released for a second only to be
replaced by the person holding him.
He
was leaning against their chest their arms providing support. Takeru felt
something wet hit his cheek and realized they were crying.
*Yamato,
it's Yamato who's crying.*
His
brother hadn't cried since they were both little. He could hear Yamato saying
something quietly as he held him and he tried to listen though it was becoming
hard to concentrate.
"Don't
you dare die on me little bro, don't you dare."
Another
wave of dizziness passed over Takeru and he opened his eyes to make sure the
world wasn't turning like he thought it was. Yamato was crying and it made
Takeru wonder why.
"Takeru?"
Yamato said as his brother opened his eyes. "Takeru don't close your eyes,
try and stay awake."
Takeru
wasn't really listening. His vision was going gray around the edges and it was
hard to focus on Yamato's face.
"Takeru
why did you do this?" Yamato asked holding him tighter starting to look
desperate as Takeru didn't focus on him.
Taichi
returned from phoning the ambulance and wrapped his arms around Yamato's
shoulders taking up one of Takeru's wrists to help stop the bleeding. Takeru
noticed the towels around his wrists were bright red with blood. So was the
front of Yamato's shirt.
He
closed his eyes as yet another wave of dizziness swept over him almost sending
him into unconsciousness. He could still hear Yamato's voice as he panicked.
"Takeru?
Takeru! Wake up come on, wake up."
Taichi
made some soothing sounds and Takeru could feel Yamato shaking with emotion.
"Why
did he do this? I know he seemed a bit depressed a few weeks ago but
this?" Yamato said between sobs.
"I
don't know lover. I don't know...." Taichi answered.
Soon
the paramedics showed up but by that time Takeru had slipped silently into
darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Owari~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So
should I write the rest? And before you ask, yes I do like torturing people
it's a fun past time. Heh heh heh......evil is so fun. Ahem anyway this fic is
really far from done of course but it's taken me what feels like forever to get
to this point. Though by the time you people are reading it that means I've
probably already finished I'm just taking my time posting the rest. How long
should I wait..a week?...two weeks?....maybe a month? Crackles evilly. Ja ne.