Hope in Despair (aka Hope gets some
KFC)
Part 2 - Problems of the Heart and Soul
by Ashna
Thank
you all for reviewing the first part!!! People like my stuff! Sniff *is so
happy!* It took me a week to figure out what to put in the second chapter. Now
there will be three! I wouldn't be surprised if I added a fourth. Sigh, so
complicated. Sorry for the wait but this chapter was really hard to write. I'm
just beginning as a writer it's hard!!!! Trying to write Daisuke as less then
completely clueless but still ditzy took some doing! Now for you Takeru fans
I'm sorry but this chapter focuses mostly on Daiken/Kensuke. There's not much
you can do with him right now. What can I say but that he remains almost
completely static for the chapter.
Wondering
what happened to Sora and Yamato as a couple? How did Taichi get into all of
this? That will not be explained here! Haha that will be for another time
another fic. I'd love to dedicate this fic to two of my friends. Leth that's
her saiyan slash name and Miyama who loves angst, lemon and Yaoi just as much
as me! You guys are great keep the perversions coming! And Leth you know you're
a good writer so stop dissing your stuff! Anyhoo enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~Part
2, Recovery~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yama-koi
it's going to be all right. He's gonna be fine." Taichi was saying rubbing
Yamato's back as he retched uncontrollably.
They'd
gotten to the ER in record time and had been told to clean up and wait. Yamato
had been so worried about his brother he hadn't noticed the blood that was on
him and Taichi.
They'd
gone to the bathroom while they waited for his parents to show up but Yamato
had broken down again at the sight of so much of his own brother's blood. He
kept on seeing the image of Takeru sprawled across the kitchen floor lying in a
growing puddle of red. It had been everywhere. In Takeru's blonde hair, soaked
into his clothes, across the floor.
Now
he was holding on to the ceramic bowel as the contents of his stomach emptied
themselves. Taichi was still holding him making soothing sounds and brushing
his hair away from his face. He'd never known the guy had such a gentle side
but then Taichi always managed to surprise him.
He
managed to stop after about ten minutes and sit up properly his stomach now too
empty to bring up anymore. Taichi slowly helped him up and lead him back to the
waiting room. He sat him down on a chair and sat next to him one arm around
Yamato's waist the other holding one of his shaking hands.
"Arigato
Taichi for coming." Yamato said quietly.
Taichi
gave Yamato's hand a squeeze and shook his head with a weak smile.
"You
need me, there's no reason to thank me. Any of the others would have too."
he replied.
"Why
did he do this Tai? He seemed to be fine, perfectly happy." Yamato
whispered tears once again forming at the corners of his eyes.
He
didn't reply but merely held Yamato to him as he began to cry soundlessly. The
blonde buried his face into Taichi's jacket letting himself cry. Taichi rubbed
his back and rocked him back and forth trying to soothe him.
Taichi
pushed him back suddenly and Yamato looked up with blurry eyes to see his
Mother running frantically over to where the two boys sat. She looked
absolutely stricken and gasped as she saw the blood on her son's shirt.
"Oh
my God. Yamato what happened? Where's Takeru is he okay? No one told me what
happened just that he had to be taken to the hospital." She said quickly
tears forming in her eyes.
Yamato
couldn't speak at first fresh tears running down his face. He swallowed and
managed to choke out an explanation.
"He
was... when I got there he was... In the kitchen and... oh Mom he tried to...
he slit his wrists." He bowed his head his body shaking as he tried not to
sob hysterically.
Arms
wrapped around him as his Mom sat down beside him. She was crying too with
great gasping breaths. He hugged her back trying to give her support knowing
how much she had always feared losing Takeru. "Takeru, my poor little
Takeru. My baby..." She whispered raggedly clutching her eldest son to her
as if he too would try and leave her.
Taichi
looked up as Mr. Ishida came into the room tears already streaking his face. He
paused as his ex-wife and son cried together. He sat down beside her and placed
a hand on her shaking shoulders. She looked up with blotchy cheeks at her
former husband.
"Dad..."
Yamato choked out from a throat closed with tears.
"It'll
be all right. Takeru is going to be just fine you'll see." He said thickly
tears rimming his tired bloodshot eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~
Oh about a week later.
Takeru
woke up quickly but didn't move. He'd been let out of the hospital the next day
with orders to rest and instructions to his family not to be left alone. His
Mom had stayed home from work as long as she could but had to start working
again. Being a reporter she held unusual hours and had asked Yamato if he'd
mind watching his brother when she had to leave. His response? He'd moved in
temporarily.
A
sleepy sigh sounded from the makeshift bed Yamato had constructed in Takeru's
bedroom on the floor. Takeru stared at the ceiling still not moving as Yamato
yawned punching the off button on the alarm clock. He glanced over and noticed
Takeru was awake.
"Hey
little bro time to get up. You're going back to school today remember?" He
said with false cheer.
No
answer. Takeru didn't feel much like talking lately and only would if
absolutely necessary. Ever since he'd woken up in the hospital finding himself
to be alive he felt cold. Sure he'd felt cold before but this was different. It
was more like a wall around him. The darkness was still there of course but it
was just a part of life now. The cold was the problem, the cold was...
something. Takeru could no longer place a label on his own feelings. He was
adrift on an ocean of darkness and he floated on an ice flow.
He
blinked as a hot hand grabbed his upper arm and dragged him out of bed. Yamato
had to do this every morning now. Takeru didn't see much point in getting out
of bed anymore.
"Up
we get, come on. You have to get back into school. A week is too much to miss
and your teachers said term finals are coming and it'll be too hard to catch up
so get up." Yamato said more to himself then Takeru.
He'd
been as protective and as concerned for Takeru as he had back in the digiworld
when Takeru had only been eight. The younger boy would often catch his cool
collected brother trying to hide tears whenever he'd refused to eat or get up
like now.
Finally
he moved, tired of having his arm pulled. He swung his legs over the side of
the bed and stood up walking to his closet for his uniform. Yamato sighed and
left the room to help with breakfast.
Takeru
changed into his uniform taking care not to pull the material against his
wrists. They were sore beneath the thick bandages and the doctor said they
would take some time to heal. He finished changing and walked out to see Sora
already there and his Mother rushing to leave for work.
"Bye
bye honey take care all right? I love you." She said giving Takeru a
tear-filled hug then left.
"Hey
Takeru how are you?" Sora asked looking a bit nervous about asking.
He
ignored her and sat down at the table to eat his breakfast. She looked hurt but
Yamato placed a hand on her arm and shook his head.
"Don't
mind it Sora he doesn't speak to anyone anymore. Not really." he said
sadly.
The
door bell rang several times and someone knocked on the door loudly. Yamato
smiled slightly as Sora jumped.
"That
would be Daisuke and Ken. They're walking Takeru to school." He said.
"Hey
Yamato! We're here to pick up Takeru." Daisuke's cheerful voice sounded as
Yamato opened the door.
Takeru
finished his breakfast and grabbed his bag. He slung it over his shoulder and
walked out the door past his brother and the two other boys.
"Hey
Takeru wait up buddy." Daisuke said hurrying to catch up.
Ken
bowed a farewell to Yamato and caught up as well. Takeru didn't talk to the
other two just like he hadn't talked to his parents or Yamato or Sora. Just
kept on walking adrift on his ocean.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke
*Geez
this is like being between two storms. One blonde the other dark. Hey that
sounded kinda poetic... Ken must be rubbing off on me.*
Daisuke
sighed. Neither Takeru or Ken had talked since leaving the apartment. Ken
wasn't talking because of how worried he was. The auburn haired goggle boy had
had his hands full trying to calm down his boyfriend when Ken had been told of
what Takeru tried to do. Only once before had Daisuke seen Ken so upset and
that had been when Wormmon had sacrificed himself.
His
Mom had phoned Daisuke to come and calm him down she never having dealt with a
Ken quite so depressed before. He'd rushed over of course and held Ken
virtually all night while he cried.
*It
was kinda freaky.*
To
be honest Daisuke had been a little scared by Ken's behavior. Not because he
was upset but because of how upset he was. Daisuke had known that Ken had had a
crush on Takeru when they first met but he'd fallen in love with him.
He
looked at Ken who was walking beside him, both behind Takeru. His amethyst eyes
were downcast and cloudy which was how they looked when he was brooding about
something.
*Wonder
what he's thinking about.*
Daisuke
sighed and looked at the back of Takeru's head. He was completely unsociable
and even Daisuke forgot his jealousy for a moment as he worried for his
digidestined friend.
*Didn't
Hikari say that the opposite of hope is despair? Looks like Takeru followed her
prediction.*
A
hand took his and Daisuke squeezed it gently in comfort, his only concern now
to protect his friend from himself. Ken squeezed back as Daisuke turned his
head to look at the raven haired boy beside him. Ken gave him a half smile and
they continued onward to school.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Takeru at school
The
blonde teenager sat through all his classes that day uncaring and talking to no
one. At lunch he sat with the others as was normal but didn't say a word.
Miyako and Hikari with her boyfriend didn't know what to say though Hikari kept
giving him worried glances. The bond between them seemed to have weakened
enough that Takeru didn't even register its existence. Nothing of light could
reach where he was. It's was too far and dark for Hikari to help him.
His
other friends from his classes tried talking to him but he didn't respond
staring ahead or at his books. Eventually they gave up casting strange looks in
his direction. They didn't know what he'd done nor were they to find out. They
just thought he'd been sick for the last week.
Classes
ended and Ken was outside his room without Daisuke. The hyperactive goggle boy
had soccer practice so Ken was to walk him home alone. Without a word Takeru
repeated the scene from before. Walking past Ken and starting on his way
neither stopping or waiting.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kenny baby
Takeru
walked beside Ken the entire way home without pause. Or that is Ken walked
beside Takeru. The blonde didn't seem to care if anyone was around he just
walked home. Ken couldn't find anything to say though he completely understood
what his friend was going through. He too had been lost within the darkness
though his reaction had not been passive to say the least. Ken hadn't been
helped with his journey back but had been helped by Daisuke and the other
digidestined to stay.
*It
was Wormmon who brought me out who showed me the way to my heart again but what
can we, I do for Takeru?*
The
gray eyes that had replaced the sunny blue of Takeru's former self had gone
completely dull. Before it had been a slow drain of life but Takeru had still
been whole. Now Ken feared he was gone, damaged beyond repair.
Another
problem weighed heavily on Ken's heart. When he'd gotten the phone call from
Taichi about Takeru he'd almost felt his heart break in two. He'd been too
upset at the time to question what he'd felt but now he did. He'd gone and
fallen in love with Takeru. He felt horrible, he was in love with Daisuke and
had been for years. Ken honestly couldn't picture his life without his cheerful
goggle head in it.
*But
now... now I love Takeru too. Way to go Ken. Just can't make anything simple
for yourself can you?*
Ken
started as he realized they'd reached Takeru's apartment building. Yamato was
already outside waiting for them, Sora beside him holding his arm. The cool
blonde who normally looked completely put together was disheveled and tired. He
smiled weakly and waved.
*Yamato's
really taking this hard.*
"Hey
little bro. Thanks Ken for lookin' after him and all. I have to head home for a
bit to pack up some things so we're heading out that way." Yamato said.
Ken
smiled and bowed taking his leave as the three others moved towards Yamato's
car where it was parked near the curb. He caught the bus home and tried not to
cry in public as he thought of his betrayal to his Dai-koi and his fear of
losing someone he loved.
~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke
"Then
you take the X value and place it...."
Daisuke
was sprawled across his bed beside Ken who was sitting next to the bed the
textbook in his lap. He hadn't been listening at all to Ken's tutoring at all.
He'd simply been admiring the way Ken's hair fell across his face when he read
a page and the curve of his neck as it was exposed.
*I
have one hot boyfriend.*
He
grinned to himself and sat up moving closer to the edge behind Ken. He wrapped
his arms around Ken's neck trailing his hands down the ebony haired
digidestined's chest. Daisuke kissed the side of Ken's neck hoping to distract
him from the lesson.
"Daisuke
please pay attention." Ken sighed not rising to the bait.
"Aw,
Ken come on it's not like I'm gonna remember this stuff anyway." he
complained.
"You
never will if you don't try Daisuke." Ken replied flatly without his usual
amusement.
Normally
Ken would at this point tease the brunette about his lack of concern over his
education. Daisuke sighed as he realized Ken was in another of his down and out
moods. He wouldn't smile, wouldn't joke around and most important in Daisuke's
mind, wouldn't make out. He leaned over resting his weight on Ken's shoulders
and hugged him close, a stern frown on his face.
"Oh
no you don't... no being Mr. Lonely around me remember?" he said
cheerfully.
"How
can I forget you keep reminding me." Ken said closing the textbook.
The
goggle head boy frowned and hugged Ken tighter sensing something truly was
wrong with his guy.
"Come
on Ken something's bothering you so tell me what it is."
The
uniform clad shoulders he hugged just shrugged away the question. Daisuke poked
him in the side.
"Not
getting away that easily, time to spill."
"Daisuke
I don't feel like talking about it okay." he sighed.
"Ah
ha! So something is bothering you."
"Brilliant
deduction Sherlock."
"Please
tell me Ken... pleeeaaaase? With sugar on top?" Daisuke whined in a
childish voice.
Ken's
lips twitched as he tried not to smile. Daisuke grinned and hugged Ken around
his neck tight.
"Pleease
please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"
He
grinned even more as Ken started chuckling. He turned around removing Daisuke's
arms from around his neck. He smiled at Daisuke and gave him a light kiss on
the lips.
"You're
weird and no." He said as he pulled away.
The
keeper of courage and friendship flopped over backwards onto the bed and flung
his arms over his head sighing loudly.
"And
people say I'M impossible." He grumbled as Ken stood up stretching.
Ken
looked back at Daisuke still smiling and shook his head. He sat down on the bed
leaning forward on his knees.
"Don't
take it personally. I just don't want to say anything yet okay Daisuke?"
He said his voice now sounding a little strained.
Daisuke
sat up again and looked at Ken a very serious expression on his face making the
other boy glance at him.
"Ken
that is the stupidest thing I've heard you say in a long time." Daisuke
began moving closer to Ken and wrapping his arms about his waist.
"Of
course I'm going to take this personally. I'm your boyfriend, I love you and
I'm concerned. I don't like it when you drift off into your own world and don't
talk to me."
"I
don't know..." he said hesitantly leaning back into Daisuke's embrace.
Daisuke
tightened his grip around the other boy's waist resting his chin on Ken's
shoulder. He waited patiently for Ken to talk knowing he would eventually speak
up.
*He's
so tense. What could be bugging him so much? I know he's been depressed about
Takeru but this feels different.*
He
was jolted out of his own thoughts by Ken whispering something so quietly he
thought the other boy hadn't spoken at all.
"What?"
He asked.
"I...
I've... fallen in love with someone else." Ken said the last coming out in
a rush.
Daisuke
blinked in shock. There was no way he'd just heard what Ken had said. He
released the other boy from his embrace and leaned back to stare at Ken in
complete and utter surprise.
"What?"
he asked for the second time.
Ken
didn't turn around but wilted under Daisuke's gaze. His hands clutched the edge
of the bed tightly and gazed at a spot on the carpet his hair falling into his
eyes. Daisuke just sat waiting for Ken to speak ignoring his first urge to hug
and comfort the digidestined of kindness.
"I
didn't mean to Daisuke... I just... did." Ken said quietly from behind the
curtain of his hair.
The
goggled digidestined shook his head in confusion. He didn't understand what Ken
was trying to tell him. This was much more than he'd bargained for when he'd
pressured Ken into confiding in him.
"Who?"
It was a lame question but the only thing Daisuke could think of to ask.
Ken
seemed to shrink even more into him self and whispered the name quietly as if
he hoped Daisuke wouldn't hear and there for not ask again.
"Takeru."
Silence
fell as Daisuke tried to absorb this information. It was hard to believe that
his beautiful Ken had fallen for someone else. It hurt to think about it. He
loved Ken and Ken had always said he loved him back so why was this happening?
He looked away as he saw a tear fall from Ken's chin hitting the dark blue
fabric of his uniform. He was too confused and hurt himself to help Ken with
his feelings. The silence grew longer as neither of them spoke.
They
both jumped as Daisuke's mother knocked on the door and opened it slightly
sticking her head within.
"Sorry
to bother you two but Ken's mother just phoned. She wants him to come home
now..." she drifted off as Ken stood up quickly, grabbing his bag and
walked out of the room head down.
She
looked back at Daisuke who had flopped down onto the rest of the bed lying
spread eagled to stare at the ceiling.
"Daisuke
honey is everything okay? Did you two have a fight?" She asked in motherly
concern.
"It's
okay Mom. Everything's fine." He said hoping she'd leave it alone.
She
nodded shutting the door. He sighed in relief. He wasn't really the type to
talk to his parents about anything but Ken was one subject he never approached.
They didn't know about their relationship and that was fine with him. They
didn't need to know and probably wouldn't want to know either. Not that they
were homophobic but who wants to know their kid is gay, it wasn't something
even the most supportive parent would be happy about hearing so Daisuke hadn't
told them.
He
sighed and climbed beneath the blankets of his bed. He reached over and turned
off the lamp. He felt suddenly tired and wanted to think about things but his
mind couldn't think about anything coherently. All he could do was feel. Hurt
and confusion where twin demons within his head. He gave up trying to think and
just let himself fall asleep.
*I'll
deal with this in the morning.*
~~~~~~~~~
Poor Kenny baby!
Ken
grabbed his bag and fled Daisuke's room gladly not able to stand the silence
any longer. Daisuke's reaction had been better then he'd thought it would have
been but much worse, much worse then he'd hoped. He walked home ignoring the
bus and the falling snow wanting time to think.
*Why
did I tell him that? He didn't need to know it wasn't necessary. You know how
worried he used to get about me finding someone else. Why did I have to go and
tell him that?*
He
sniffed as he tried not to cry. His hands where shaking and he clasped them
tightly together on the handle of his book bag. He walked his thoughts circling
around the same few thoughts. That Daisuke hated him now, he wouldn't be
forgiven and he deserved to be rejected.
A
block away from his house he paused and looked up at the lights of his
apartment. He turned away and wandered into the park that was across the street
from his home. He found a bench and sat down tired.
*He
must hate me. Why did I say anything at all? Why?*
He
drew up his legs and rested his head on his knees arms wrapped about his legs.
He let himself cry now the tears running down his face in twin rivers of
misery.
*Why
did I have to go and fall in love with my best friend? Why did I fall in love?
Why did I have to tell the only person who's ever loved me back that I'd
betrayed him? Why?*
~~~~~~~~~~~
Next day
Hikari
frowned and tried to figure out what Daisuke was mumbling between his sobs.
She'd been teasing him in a friendly manner in their gym class and suddenly
he'd gotten this weird look on his face and had fled from the gym. She'd chased
after him and had found him in the guys locker room crying in one of the change
room stalls.
"Daisuke
slow down and breath properly." She said sitting down beside him and
putting an arm around his shoulders.
She
turned him around so that he was crying onto her shoulder instead of at the
wall. She'd never seen the hyper active digidestined of courage this upset
before and couldn't for the life of her figure out a why.
He
mumbled something again and this time she made out a few words. It had
something to do with Ken and something he'd said. Hikari frowned again this
time in confusion. Ken would never intentionally hurt Daisuke in any way. The
two never fought they were incapable of inflicting harm on each other.
*So
what happened here?*
"Daisuke-kun
I can't help you if you don't calm down and tell me clearly what's wrong."
She said gently to the sobbing boy.
He
sniffed trying to calm himself down and Hikari smiled encouragingly as he sat
up rubbing at his eyes. He looked terrible eyes all puffy and he had the most
miserable expression on his face.
"Now
tell me again what's wrong just slower and clearly this time."
It
took a while but finally she was able to pull the full tale of what had
happened the previous night out of a reluctant Daisuke. She was surprised to
say the least. While she was good at reading the feelings and personalities of
others this development came as a complete surprise. She'd never expected Ken
to have feelings for Takeru before.
*But
that's not the problem Hikari. Daisuke is really upset and I better calm him
down.*
"Daisuke
I think your looking at this all wrong and so is Ken from what you've told
me." she started slowly picking her words carefully.
Daisuke
just frowned still rubbing at his eyes and trying to stop the still steady flow
of tears. He hadn't been able to stop them even though he'd stopped sobbing
uncontrollably.
"Listen
to me and try to understand okay?" she said taking one of his hands and
rubbing it softly trying to keep him calm.
"I
know from experience that you don't pick the people you love Daisuke. Just look
at me and Takeru. Everyone thought we'd end up together but we never fell in
love. I know Ken didn't plan on this Daisuke."
"I
guess...." Daisuke said looking a bit more confused and equally upset.
"You
said he had a small crush on Takeru from the beginning right?"
A
nod.
"Well
I bet he never really got over it but just forgot about it when he found
you."
"I
guess."
"So
with what happened to Takeru he probably just realized he still cares about
Takeru. No don't go all sad on me." She said as Daisuke started looking
more depressed.
"I'm
not done yet. Daisuke listen to me I'm trying to explain this. Now answer me
this did he ever say he didn't love you still?"
Daisuke
shook his head.
"Then
what's the problem? If he still loves you and you him what's it matter if he
also loves someone else?"
Daisuke
just looked confused. Hikari sighed. This was like talking to a wall. When it
came to situations of the heart Daisuke needed the idea pounded into his brain
several times over until he understood.
"People
can fall in love or be in love with more than one person. It doesn't have to be
a bad thing. It all depends on what the person does about it."
Daisuke
still looked confused and Hikari resisted the urge to physically knock the
concept into his head.
"Lets
put it this way... if Ken still loves you and wants to stay with you then what
is the problem? Daisuke I know you two love each other and I don't think Ken
would ever hurt you. He's upset I'm sure because he feels like he's betrayed
you but doesn't that show he still loves you and wants to be with you?"
She cheered mentally as the light of understanding crossed Daisuke's muddled
features.
She
got up and glanced at her watch. Daisuke stood up with her and grinned as he
realized she was in the boys change room.
"Better
get going Hikari before you get in trouble." he said, his humor returning
to him.
Hikari
laughed and walked out. She paused at the door and looked back at Daisuke who
was standing in the middle of the room apparently thinking.
"Daisuke?"
He
looked up and smiled a little.
"Yeah
Hikari?"
"You'll
be okay now right?"
He
grinned and shook his head. She smiled back and left hoping everything would
work out between them. They had enough problems and strain trying to bring
Takeru out of his depression, they didn't need an equally depressed Ken and
upset Daisuke added to the list.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke. Again. Next day.
Daisuke
sighed as he waited outside the Takaishi's apartment complex. He was waiting
for Ken to show up for the customary walk with Takeru to school to keep him
from jumping into traffic or going off alone just to slit his wrists again duty.
The steadily falling snow was starting to find it's way down his collar to melt
and dribble down his neck.
He
was still upset over what Ken had told him but understood what Hikari had told
him. What should it matter if Ken loved the blonde digidestined of hope as well
as him? As long as Daisuke could still be with Ken and Ken wanted to be with
him he shouldn't care.
He
looked up as Ken's figure huddled against the cold appeared into view. Daisuke
cursed himself an idiot for being so cold to his dark haired koibito and
stepped into Ken's path as it became apparent he wasn't concentrating on his
surroundings. Ken stopped walking and looked up blinking in confusion. His
features froze as he saw who was blocking his path.
"Daisuke..."
He stuttered half with cold, half with surprise.
Daisuke
interrupted him trying to look cheerful but knew it was a strained expression.
"Ken
I though about what you said. Well more like Hikari thought for me and I tried
to understand but I have one question for you."
Ken
nodded slightly looking worried and trying to hide it. Daisuke swallowed and
looking into Ken incredibly sexy deep amethyst eyes and spoke.
"Do
you still love me? Do you still want to be with me?" he asked quietly half
afraid the answer would be no.
Ken's
eyes widened and he shook his head in an affirmative. His eyes were filled with
tears and his lips trembled slightly.
"Of
course... I love you Daisuke and I never want to be apart from you ever!"
He whispered his voice shaking slightly.
Daisuke
smiled then a bright happy smile and stepped forward taking Ken into his arms
and kissing him soundly on the lips. Ken raised trembling arms to hold onto the
sleeves of Daisuke's jacket as he opened his mouth to Daisuke's kiss. They
stopped the kiss and Ken rested his forehead against his looking into Daisuke's
rich brown eyes.
"I
thought you wouldn't want to ever see me again." Ken said quietly.
Daisuke
smiled hugging Ken to him tighter. He realized Hikari was right... again and
that Ken had been beating himself up over this. Not that he was surprised
because if left alone to brood that's generally what Ken did.
"Of
course not. I was more worried that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore...
or something like that." he said confusing himself as he thought about it
too much.
Ken
started crying then and Daisuke frowned raising one hand to wipe them away
gently.
"Now
what's wrong Koibito?" he asked quietly.
"I
don't deserve you.." he started.
"Okay
stop I don't want to hear anymore. I love you and I want to be around you so I
must think you deserve me... or something like that."
His
last comment made Ken smile and laugh a little. Daisuke grinned and titled his
head a bit to kiss Ken again. Ken smiled against his lips and put one arm
around Daisuke's neck pulling himself closer to his love.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Look up... waaaay up... Takeru!
Takeru
watched the two below talking, kissing, talking then kissing again this time
for much longer. They seemed oblivious to the heavy snow falling around them or
the strange looks they got from passing pedestrians and students on their way
to school.
*They're
happy...*
His
Mom came into the room and paused hesitating before she spoke. She'd been very
uneasy around Takeru since he'd slit his wrists and had been relying entirely
on Yamato to deal with him. Takeru didn't mind, not because of any particular
reason he just didn't care about anything. He wasn't quite numb like before to
anything but more like when he'd walked to much through the snow and couldn't
feel his feet anymore. He just couldn't feel anymore. There was nothing to feel
he held absolutely nothing within his heart. Not even a desire to end his life
drifted with him through the ice.
"Baby
your friends will be here soon. You should get your shoes and coat on."
She said interrupting Takeru's blank stare at his friends.
He
turned away and went to put his winter stuff on. His mom watched him warily as
he walked past. Normally he'd have been hurt by this distant behavior but he
wasn't. After all that's all anyone had been treating him with. It wasn't their
fault he was the one set adrift and far away. They just couldn't reach him.
The
doorbell rang and he put on his hat. His mom answered the door dressed in her
winter trench coat.
"Thank
goodness your finally here. I have to get going Takeru is putting on his stuff
and should be out shortly. You'll have to lock up Takeru's got a key bye."
her rushed voice sounded from the door before fading.
He
stood up and walked to the door to put on his shoes. Daisuke and Ken stood in
the doorway slightly flushed from more than just the cold and waited for him to
finish putting on his shoes. Ken had the same sad expression on his face that
he always had around Takeru these days while Daisuke merely looked thoughtful
and worried. Which were strange expressions to be seen on Daisuke's face at one
time.
He
stood up and walked out the door past the two. They followed and waited while
he locked up. They continued on to walk to school in silence, the softly
falling snow masking all sounds except for the crunch of their feet.
~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke
Eventually
they'd realized that they had to get to school and had stepped apart slightly
flushed but smiling. They'd gone upstairs to pick up Takeru. As usual Ken had
become silent with a slightly distressed look in his eyes as they waited for
Takeru to finish lacing up his boots. Strangely enough Daisuke felt no jealousy
towards him only a sense of protectiveness. He knew now how Ken felt about the
blonde and he knew that Ken would probably never be very happy again until
Takeru recovered from his depression.
They
walked behind Takeru through the snow and once again Daisuke had the feeling of
being caught between two rain storms. Though when he thought about it Takeru's
mood was more like the snow falling around them than rain. Silent, sterile and
cold.
Daisuke
glanced at Ken and took his gloved hand in his own hoping to cheer him up if
only just a little. Ken looked up and smiled slightly his eyes softening. He
moved closer to Daisuke and removed his hand only to wrap it around his waist.
Daisuke smiled and put his arm across his back holding onto Ken's shoulder.
*Well
I might have cheered him up a little but... yup there he goes off into his own
little world.*
Daisuke
looked up at Takeru who was fairly far ahead of them now and decided something
had to be done. This whole thing was starting to wear down on Ken and would
probably eat away at him until Takeru was better. But the problem was he didn't
know what. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around Takeru ever since he
cut his wrists and while that might have been a good idea for someone else
Takeru wasn't getting better. He never talked to anyone anymore, the blonde
never teased Daisuke, didn't smile, didn't laugh, and was only getting worse as
each day passed.
"Ken
what are we going to do with Takeru? Everyday he just drifts further off and I
think we're going to lose him soon." Daisuke said quietly to Ken as they
walked.
Ken
looked at him with an equally worried expression. He shook his head looking
down at the footsteps in the snow.
"I
don't know to be honest. I've talked to Yamato a few times and everyone's been
keeping an eye on him, trying to get him to interact with them, that's what the
doctor said to do. Get him involved..." Ken said quietly as if he doubted
the advice.
"Ken
that won't work anymore. He's getting worse! He never laughs or smiles
or-" Ken cut him off.
"He's
depressed, of course he doesn't laugh."
"Yeah
but he doesn't frown, he doesn't get mad, he doesn't even cry. There isn't
anything there anymore surely you can see that Ken. You were acting the same
way from what you've told me. After what happened with Wormmon." Daisuke
seemed to have gotten through to Ken as the dark haired boy frowned looking at
Takeru who had paused a few feet ahead when they'd stopped walking.
"I
think you're right Daisuke. I feel like a royal idiot for not seeing this
sooner... but something's different about that and what's happened to Takeru. I
thought of this before but had forgotten..." Ken drifted off looking
extremely worried.
"Care
to share? I only have flashes of brilliance every so often ya know."
Daisuke said after awhile when Ken didn't continue.
Ken
blinked, looked up and frowned. He had a strange look in his eyes. They were sick
and dark as if he was realizing something he hoped wasn't true.
"Takeru
isn't acting like I was, at least not anymore. He was before but more like the
reverse. I was trying to find myself I believe Takeru was losing himself."
He said quietly.
Daisuke
frowned not liking where this was going. It sounded too much like what Hikari
had told him before Takeru had slit his wrists. Ken continued quietly his arm
holding even tighter to Daisuke's waist.
"I
think... from what Hikari said to you and from experience he's completely lost
himself." He finished like he hadn't wanted to say so out loud for fear of
making his suspicions real.
"So
Takeru's what? He's not acting anything like you were as the Digimon
Kaiser..." Daisuke said slightly confused.
"No
of course he wouldn't. Like Hikari said it's like a reversal of our crests. My
kindness was turned to cruelty while Takeru's hope has turned to..."
"Despair.
Yeah, Hikari said that before. So what do we do about it?" Daisuke asked
feeling like they were talking in circles.
"I
don't know. I barely know how I came out of my own problems in the first
place." Ken shrugged looking more depressed than before.
Daisuke
hugged his shoulders a little hoping to cheer up Ken a little. They'd come to
another deadend and had only made themselves depressed.
*But
what can we do? I don't know, Ken doesn't know, no one does or we'd have done
something before this.*
He
stared mournfully at the blonde figure walking a fair distance ahead of them
and sighed. His mind searching in vain for a solution to Takeru's problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ken a week later
The
snow was still falling six days later and now coated everything in four and a
half feet of white. School had been canceled for the afternoon and Ken was
still in his pajamas. Daisuke had promised to come over if he could get through
the snow okay and his parents gave him the go ahead. Ken was waiting for him to
phone and confirm when the phone rang. He snatched it up quickly smiling a
little.
"Moshi
moshi Daisuke?"
"Hello
Ken it's Takeru's mother."
"Oh
hello. What is it?"
"I
have to go to work again today and I was wondering if you'd look after Takeru
again. Yamato would but he's completely snowed in."
"Of
course Ms. Takaishi. I'll be right over."
"Thank
you so much Ken. Goodbye dear."
"Bye
and you're welcome."
He
hung up the phone and called Daisuke's. His sister Jun picked up the phone and
he managed to get a message through to meet him on the way to Takeru's.
Apparently he was in the shower.
Ken
pulled on his jacket, a scarf and his winter shoes and proceeded into the
wintery silence of the snow fall. According to the news report this was all
part of a large system of mini storms all coming one after another. The sky was
clear at night but by midmorning the snow was falling again.
He
trudged through the snow and wished it was a little less deep. It came to about
mid thigh and was a bitch to walk through. Daisuke wasn't at their normal
meeting spot but Ken wasn't surprised his house was farther but Daisuke wasn't
known for his ability to move quickly. He continued onwards to Takeru's knowing
his mother was most likely wanting to get on her way.
*Though
how she can get to work in this stuff I don't know.*
He
got to the door and knocked politely. The door opened almost immediately and
Takeru's mother rushed up pulling him with her. She shut the door and locked it
giving Ken an apologetic smile.
"I
hate to make you walk back so soon in the cold but I'm going to be gone for
most of the day and there isn't a scrap of food inside. You don't mind having
Takeru over do you?" She asked hurriedly.
Ken
shook his head and she left without waiting for a verbal agreement. He blinked
and shrugged figuring her work was putting pressure on her to show up. He
turned to Takeru who wasn't paying attention to anything just staring at the
snow with a blank expression.
*Daisuke
was right there isn't anything there. Before in the trees at school there was a
presence looking out from behind, now there's nothing.*
Ken
tried to keep back tears and tugged on Takeru's sleeve to get him moving. Each
time Ken saw the nothingness behind the blonde's eyes he felt like crying. It
hurt to see someone he loved so far away. So distant and cold you couldn't see
them anymore.
They
struggled through the snow and it began to snow harder in big fat flakes. It
obscured all vision to less then six feet away.
*Dang
and now we're going to get lost in a snowstorm great.*
He
thought just as he heard a soft flop from behind him. He turned around feeling
a bit numb from the cold to see Takeru had fallen. He was covered in snow and
the situation might have been comical if he hadn't looked so completely
uncaring. He pushed himself up a little then paused as if he didn't see the use
of moving anymore. Ken pushed through the snow and pulled him up by the arm.
Takeru moved slowly and almost reluctantly.
"Takeru,
what are we going to do with you." Ken muttered sadly as he helped the
uncaring boy through the snow.
His
limbs moved slowly and woodenly. Ken started to become worried. The cold was
starting to get to him and they still had quite a ways to go and with Takeru
moving as slowly as he was that was going to take some time.
*And
here I thought canceling school was being a bit drastic for a few feet of
snow.*
A
hand grabbed his arm and Ken looked up into Daisuke's smiling face. He blinked
confused and Daisuke pulled him along a little still smiling.
"Hey
I figured you'd already went ahead and decided to catch up. You two look cold.
It's only four more blocks to your place right Ken?" He said cheerfully.
"Y..y..yeah
t..t..that's right..." Ken stuttered teeth chattering.
Daisuke
put an arm through Ken's and helped then through the snow. He was grinning
having always liked snow being a bit of a snowboarder. Ken on the other hand
was feeling pretty low still. He felt even worse as he tripped sending them all
into the snow. Daisuke cursed loudly and Ken pulled himself out of the snow
drift he'd fallen face first into. He struggled to sit up and he could hear the
brunette floundering around laughing a bit. He managed to get up and looked for
Takeru. Once again he was just sitting there not even noticing how much snow
had gotten on him or he was shoulder deep in the fluffy wet stuff.
*Why
does he act like everything isn't even to be attempted. I don't understand this
and I don't know how to help!*
Ken
felt tears spring to his eyes and he tried to wipe them away before Daisuke saw
and once again helped their silent companion to his feet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke's a little bit more IC this time
Daisuke
brushed snow out of his hair wishing once again he'd brought a tuque. Or ear
muff as stupid as they looked. Then his ears wouldn't be numb. He looked over
at the other two as Ken virtually had to lift Takeru out of the snow. Daisuke
immediately felt angry. Ken had tears in his eyes again over Takeru. All week
and probably before that Ken had been getting upset over his friend's lack of
response to anything. But this was the first time he'd actually started crying
about it.
*Dammit
can't Takeru see what he's doing to everyone? Yamato's a wreck he hates not
being able to help his 'little bro' when he needs it. His Mom is completely
frazzled and I'm ready to punch a brick wall I'm so sick and tired of watching
him drift farther away. Hikari is starting to think this is all her fault for
breaking up with him though that's not true, not at all. Then there's Ken...
Ken is about to fret himself to pieces if Takeru doesn't do something!*
He
frowned and decided to do something about all this. He managed to wade through
the snow to the other two. Ken was blinking away tears as he looked at Daisuke
in confusion. He grabbed the apathetic Takeru's shoulders and shook him
violently.
"What
the hell is wrong with you!" He shouted while Takeru just blinked at him
owlishly barely focusing on his face.
"Don't
you see, don't you care what's happening to you? You just sat in a five foot
snow drift and didn't move!" he shouted into his face shaking him again.
"Don't
you give a damn anymore about anything?"
Takeru
just stared blankly at him nothing behind his icy gray eyes. Daisuke
frantically searched through his mind trying to find something that would knock
his friend out of his self-imposed apathy.
"Everyone's
so worried about you and you don't even try. Your own brother Mr. Cool and
Tough has been reduced to a wreck, he doesn't even smile much anymore. Your Mom
has been crying everytime I see her. Don't you care about that?" He said
again shaking Takeru again though less violently.
There
was still no response behind those cold eyes and Daisuke became desperate. He
couldn't stand by and let his friend fade away beneath his cold isolation
hurting everyone especially Ken. He knew how much Ken cared for Takeru and he
wouldn't let Takeru hurt him by drifting away from the world. He stepped back
and suddenly Takeru was back in the snow his hand on his red check where
Daisuke had punched him. Hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Takeru
He'd
gone through the walk in his normal state of uncaring ignoring the frantic
worrying of his mother as she prepared for work. They'd once again threatened
her with a pink slip if she didn't show. He'd ignored Ken's obvious stress over
him and had walked along through the snow uncaring. The snow fitted his
thoughts cold, remote and desolate.
He
hadn't cared much about falling in the snow. Not the first time nor the second.
He was already wet and cold, why did it matter if he got up or not. Ken was
persistent pulling him up forcing him to keep going.
When
Daisuke had charged forward and started shaking him he hadn't reacted. So what
if the outgoing brunette was mad why should he care? Then Daisuke had stepped
back, an enraged expression on his face as he pulled back his fist and swung.
It had hurt and he hadn't expected it. He fell backwards into a snow drift
landing hard on his back. He sat up one hand to his cheek.
Was
that surprise? It couldn't be he didn't, couldn't feel anything.
Daisuke
stood there and had tears of his own in his eyes. Though his where more out of
frustration than worry as Ken's were. He had his fists clutched at his sides
and was breathing hard.
*He's
really mad...*
The
thought flitted briefly across his mind as Daisuke began to shout again.
"Damn
it Takeru when are you going to snap out of this? You're going to drag everyone
who cares about you down as you go." He paused rubbing at his eyes in
annoyance.
"You're
hurting everyone who loves you and I won't let you anymore!" He yelled
flinging an arm out at Ken who was watching the whole thing with wide eyes
crying silently.
Takeru
stared in total shock at the emotion in Daisuke's voice. His voice cracked as
he continued quieter this time.
"Don't
you care?" He said again less angry and more dejected, "Don't you
care about what happens to any of us if you completely give up hope? How can we
if you of all people don't?"
He
sat in the snow his body growing as chill as his soul as Daisuke and Ken
slightly behind him stared at him quietly.
"We
care about you Takeru and we are not going to let you drift away from us."
He
felt the ice, the cold that was surrounding him, felt how the rain had numbed
his soul then started to freeze until he felt nothing. Now he knew, beyond the
numbness it hurt. It hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before. The two
before him began to blur and waiver. He blinked away the distortion and raised
a shocked hand to his face. He was crying. For the first time in months he felt
something. And he broke down into hysterical sobs as he felt the hurt inside
him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Part
Two is OVER!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay
I wrote this particular author's note in the middle of Ken's confession. Oh
geez I hate making my Kenny baby and his Dai-koi fight. Sniff... sniff... I
hate doing that! *Steels herself to write the rest* I can do this. I can write
them having a fight. This is an angst filled fic... I must write the rest or
else the story cannot continue! But poor Kenny baby... aren't I pathetic
freaking out over my own story. Sigh, oh well... I shall continue onward!
Whining worse than Daisuke all the way...
And
now I am done! I was going to write more of this and let my friends edit buuuut
I'm too lazy. Besides then the handful of you who like my story would have to
wait longer and we can't have that now can we! No we cannot. Besides this was a
good place to end no? Oh remember that surprise I mentioned? Well here it
comes! *Laughs evilly* Wahahahahahahahahahahaaa... in part three. Kathrine's a
smidge mad at me for doing this to Takeru but hey I can't control my sick mind
now can I? Do I even want to? Want to know what the hell I'm talking about?
Read on my friends read on and find out how truly twisted I am... Though I can,
will and have done, so much, that's worse.